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This Life
Contributed by
jt
on
Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 12:38:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
I search your face for feeling
As I lay beneath you worlds apart
I lift my hands revealing
The blade you have pushed into my heart
And yet the pain comforts me
An end to the deceit and the lies
And my fear you cannot see
As you search for it behind my eyes
From within they call my name
Somehow, I don’t think I can hate you
For you see we are the same
You are looking for an escape too
No tears left to kiss my cheeks
This steel in my chest my only friend
And now no breath left to speak
Inside I’m bleeding, wait for the end
Pay for your actions as I
Smile with ashen lips and twist this knife
Some satisfaction inside
As I leave this world for a new life
Copyright ©
jt
... [
2004-07-14 00:38:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by inertia on
Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 12:48:01 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| good imagery...i think it's important to create an image for the reader...creating a synesthesia-esque tendency...image pulls the word...vice versa |
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Re: This Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 12:52:52 AM AEST
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| Sad and amazingly beautiful.. venkat |
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Re: This Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 01:09:47 AM AEST
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Very sad and dark, yet somehow I feel it's a little more unique compared to other sad poems I've read. I love the use of words here like:"You are looking for an escape too/No tears left to kiss my cheeks" Brilliant lines. Overall, great poem. Keep on writing.
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Re: This Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 01:30:42 AM AEST
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The first word that come to my mind was "brilliant"! And I am not one to toss that word around lightly!
This is an extraordinary write. You have very seriously done justice to the moment. This is strong and brave and revealing... and, brilliantly crafted. I am impressed for a number of reasons. This is a moment blown wide open by your ability to put it into words.
Just... wow!
SNM |
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Re: This Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Asatru on
Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 07:50:57 AM AEST
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| This was very sad, but I'm not sure weather to say sorry or to smile for you. It sounds as if your rejoicing over your death, but as to why, I am not sure. Good job. Keep writing. |
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Re: This Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 10:00:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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awww this is so sad, but brilliantly written
pixie xx |
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