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PLeaure of all things
Contributed by
corrupted_minds
on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 04:30:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
You took my innocence away,
Something Ill never get back,
When you raped me every day,
You took the strength I lack,
If you try it again, Ill kill you,
Dont think I wouldnt,
Im older now its something Id do,
Even through I know I shouldnt
If they looked closer theyd see,
When I cried for help, no one came,
I told them you raped me,
They said us girls were the same,
My life has been an endless whirl,
You abused me mentally, physically too,
Ive never been a normal girl,
Friendless, alone and blue,
Now theres relief from the darkest thing,
But nothing your abuse didnt bring,
On my bed I laid,
A sensual feeling from a cold blade,
Brings feelings of pleasure like never before,
Wanting for feel this feeling some more,
The lifeless body put to sleep,
No more torture, just at peace,
This awful picture is yours to keep,
The drumming hearts finally cease.
Copyright ©
corrupted_minds
... [
2004-07-18 04:30:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: PLeaure of all things
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dizza_13 on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 04:41:05 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
really powerful loz. im here if u ever need 2 talk. im sorry for wat he did 2 u. he abused his right. sad, but so good, never stop writing
Dizza |
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Re: PLeaure of all things
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 04:57:20 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Awwww this is very sad, *hugs you* very powerful and raw,
takecare,
pixie xx |
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Re: PLeaure of all things
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 06:13:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
This is a highly evocative piece.
You've selected to write in quatrain with the 1st and 3rd
line end-rythming and the 2nd and 4th line end-rthyming.
The only stanza where you departed from this was the 5th.
I would suggest that you re-write this stanza to conform
with the original rythme scheme.
All-in-all, a pretty good write.
Stoney |
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Re: PLeaure of all things
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 08:35:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very painful piece, I can say no more than that. |
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