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Cold sea
Contributed by
dizza_13
on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 07:49:21 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Full moon rising,
Spreading its love all over me,
Making me feel like Im with you,
How I miss you touch of love,
How I crave to be with you.
I took my heart and gave you it for eternity,
When all this pain had died,
And the only ones were you and me.
How I cherish the time when you will set me free.
The flames of love still burning in my soul,
And I miss your love for my heart is so cold.
And I miss the way that you used to lay and talk to me,
And I fear the time in which you come for me,
And the waves of pain come along the sea,
They wash this torment back on top of me.
Copyright ©
dizza_13
... [
2004-07-31 07:49:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cold sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 07:53:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow, very moving and emotional write ...
pixie xx |
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Re: Cold sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 08:06:11 AM AEST
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Loved this...good use of metaphors in the last two lines....
Jenni |
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Re: Cold sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 08:15:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Dylan this is beautiful i told you so... its got a great respose. I love your work your really growing through each one of the pieces your right. Stay happy! :)
Love you,
Loz |
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Re: Cold sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovespoetic0518 on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 08:15:35 AM AEST
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Beautiful write. You have great talent.
Kimberly :) |
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Re: Cold sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Row on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 04:48:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| nice work diz, im proud of u |
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Re: Cold sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 10:14:14 AM AEST
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Umm . . . over 1500 reads in just two weeks? I'm sure this must be some kind of record.
I don't understand the third-last line - I mean, who is the 'you' which will come for 'me', as you say? It doesn't seem to correlate with the 'you' as the time in which is feared . . . I'm confused. Perhaps it makes more sense to you, but this is contradictory in my eyes.
However, does have a powerful sentiment driving the essence of this piece, and it does allow me to emote within the last two lines, via metaphor.
Keep writing. |
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