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Asdf Jkl;
Contributed by
tlhInganHom
on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 12:20:42 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Dark and secret inside,
There's a room where I hide
In the depths of my mind
From all eyes that pry.
Deep inside,
Deep inside.
When there, I am me;
I am old, I am three,
And the eyes cannot see --
Can't see me,
Can't see me.
In the room in my head
Where my fantasies are fed
And reality is dead,
I dream all my dreams.
Dream on,
Dream on.
Here is where I mope
And attempt to cope,
Kindling my hope.
I hope,
I hope.
This is where I'll stay
Until I'm torn away
By people who will say
That I need help.
I don't,
I don't.
And I will try to tell --
To describe my hell,
But I can't do it very well...
Understand,
Understand.
When there, I am me;
I am old, I am three,
With no urge to flee
And the eyes of the world
Can't see me,
Can't see me.
July 17, 2003
Copyright ©
tlhInganHom
... [
2004-08-09 00:20:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Asdf Jkl;
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 12:32:07 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Niiice . . . I quite liked this one. I love your use of repetition here and the whole poem flows very nicely. In some spots --not to be rude-- the 3-lines-of-rhyme rhyme scheme seems just a bit forced and awkward, but overall this is a vivid, well-written piece. Nicely done ^^.
--Nora |
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Re: Asdf Jkl;
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 01:25:15 AM AEST
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a Message)
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couple things....
First of all, I love the title. I love the randomness. That was the main reason it attracted me to read your poem. It made me realize that the title doesn't matter, but the poem speaks for itself.
Second, I love the picture you have posted before your poem. I checked out your home page and you seem interesting. :)
I plan on looking around on it some more.
And third, I had to point out this line that I really liked:
And I will try to tell --
To describe my hell,
But I can't do it very well...
Understand,
Understand.
I totally understand the feeling of not being able to express what you're feeling.
I do understand.
Be True,
zenmind
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