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Please, No...
Contributed by
liquidsunshine
on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 09:47:04 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Abrupt change in humidity hanging all around
Subtle electricity--a humble buzz
A step back
A look to the heavens
A storm cloud rolling near---Looming as a giant tidal wave
Deep and black and merciless
A frightful raging force
A zig zag split of seams and the raindrops trickle down-- first cascading
Then a torrent
With gusts of wind to choke it down
One short stillness
Rumbling thunder
Growing loud, earth shatt'ring sound
Inner quaking of the earth and
CRACK
A cackling lightning bolt
Still more thunder
Quaking cloud-rips, crumbling skies
Ahh the rain lets up at last
Muffled grumblings slow on past
No more lightning
Less wind thrusting
Just a humid, buzzing drizzle
I watch
With hope the storm will pass
Copyright ©
liquidsunshine
... [
2004-08-09 09:47:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 10:32:09 AM AEST
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That in-between time. The wait. Oh, you have put this well, too. Keep writing, hun. No matter which way it goes, keep putting it on paper.
Stitch |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 10:34:29 AM AEST
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brilliant expression, a great dark write *hugs you*
pixie xx |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheBlackVoid on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 11:02:33 AM AEST
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Great write and well detailed. i loved it
Alucia, |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 02:06:30 PM AEST
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I love thunderstorms...you captured it very well!!
Great imagery and sound too. |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luka on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 02:45:34 PM AEST
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| not bad, not bad at all, very well writtin i felt as if i was in the storm, one problem that i found was the title mad no sence with the poem but thats ok a title dosent mean anything, i suck at them too. |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 03:12:19 PM AEST
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The title of the poem, "Please, No.." fits perfectly. The storm wasn't really a storm... it was figurative/imagery for the way I was feeling when I thought my boyfriend was leaving me... then the part at the end where the storm calms down but there's still thunder and a little rain... that's because we had talked it over and it all seemed okay and then we hung up and I was sure something was still not totally right... THAT is why the poem is thusly titled.
Lots of love and peace be with you,
Chelsea (aka: liquidsunshine, aka: Anita Huggenstuff, aka: Girl of the Bun)
P.S. The storm really IS over now... we are all back together and happy. ~*big smiles*~ |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 07:39:37 PM AEST
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| Exciting, very well done. CRACK--liked that. Good stuff.--the Moth |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 10:28:27 AM AEST
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I've always thought weather was rather useful as a metaphor for emotional turmoil... and this... is an excellent example of it. I particularly like the opening... the awareness of something.... building. Any reader that's ever been near a tornado will recognize this phenomenon... the change in pressure, the strange color that seeps into the sky... the... almost inexplicable, frightening, feeling of anticipation--- I got that feeling, exactly, as I read this piece. I knew, though, that you weren't really talking about the weather... which, made it all the more powerful.
Waiting for the sun to find it's way out from behind the clouds,
SNM |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 05:49:33 PM AEST
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So where's part two, Chelsea? I liked it. Great imagery. Keep 'em coming!!!
~Carrie~ |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 03:37:56 PM AEST
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Ooooooh, sounds kinda like the storm here the other day. lol
I love storms,
great write.
*hugs* Phil xxx |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Friday, 24th September 2004 @ 04:10:43 PM AEST
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Nature seems to hold a key influence in your life. That's a wonderful thing. You are sensitive to the world around you and are in tune with how you really feel. Nicely done, dark, yet not depressing.
~Carrie~ |
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Re: Please, No...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elena on
Sunday, 26th September 2004 @ 11:08:07 AM AEST
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You should get the special effects poetry prize: you can hear this poem, see it, smell it and really hope your inside...
E |
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