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Someone
Contributed by
Poe
on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 01:19:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Theres too much extension
To my only farewell,
Ive been sitting next to you
If you couldnt tell,
Just waiting for acknowledgement
That Im someone.
Im someone like all,
I walk, talk, and breathe
Yet Im thought of so small
If the room spoke its words
It would bare all my thoughts
About the love, life, and dreams
That couldnt be bought
Copyright ©
Poe
... [
2004-08-13 13:19:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 01:22:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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a very good write, welcome to YPDC you will love it here I'm sure...
pixie xx |
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 01:28:11 PM AEST
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A great first submission ! Welcome to YPDC. You are going to really like it here.
Nazmythian
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 02:20:08 PM AEST
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Bravo! Your first effort has paid off well. I look forward to more.
Stitch |
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 02:53:39 PM AEST
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| welcome, and thanks for writing. I enjoyed your thoughts, and look forward to seeing more of your work here. |
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 03:26:02 PM AEST
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I'm sure you will enjoy this sight I have only found this sight too and it is a d d i c t i v e !
Your write was terrific
looking forward to reading more...
cheers! |
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 07:22:50 PM AEST
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Welcome to the best poetry site on the net.....
This is a terrific write.... thanks for sharing your thoughts with us... Hope you love it here... and that you will post more soon..
Jenni |
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 14th August 2004 @ 12:35:58 PM AEST
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"If the room spoke its words "
I'm slightly left wondering by this. I'm halfway hoping that you intend to give me the sense that there is a crowd 'in the room', because I'm not sure how the space you are hypothetically in becomes a tenable vehicle for transference of thought and emotion. If there were a crowd in the vicinity, I'd be able to pass this over, but now, whilst I have the time and the inclination, I'd make a point of directing your attention towards it.
The initial lines were resonative and original, which opened the piece well. I found this a little short, however - I would have liked some more detail (I get nosey when interested) about the person whom should fare well, as well as some means of describing what some of those thoughts were that 'couldn't be bought'.
But anyway - I took the time to comment because, overall, I like both it, and the rhythm you employ - keep writing. |
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by TwEeK on
Tuesday, 24th August 2004 @ 04:13:42 PM AEST
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nice! beautiful 1st poem!
keep it up!
Tweek |
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Re: Someone
(User Rating: 1 )
by blackholesun on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 02:57:02 PM AEST
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| i really felt this one,sobs!i can say that my boyfriend makes me feel ignored alot it hurts but we cant rely on one person for true happy ending. |
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