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Obessessive love...
Contributed by
FleurdeSang
on
Sunday, 15th August 2004 @ 06:08:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
One dreary and tempestuous day, a young poet sits, in the midst of all the voices, uninspired
Thoughts of his Mistress cross his mind incessantly.
Pain sets in, for he does not have the sweetness of her presence no longer
Guilt takes over, and tears flow
The bloody knife still lies thrown on the crimson floor, laughing hysterically
She lies next to him, this angel of darkness, with a look of such sweet reverie across her precious face.
And he wondered, as his eyes gazed upon her motionless body, how Death can befall upon her,
And she still be as beautiful as she was before
Lips of silk,
Skin of porcelain.
She was the fairest maiden that ever ceased to live
Eyes of jewels and scent of roses in the spring
The moons pale, gray face peers over, and spills Her tainted blood on the poets lifeless seraph
The room is now over flowing with Death,
Sweet, silent, Death
And the voices rejoice
Left to envelop in this sadistic ocean of blood and tears, and sins, and anguish
The poet falls on his knees, looks up to the Heavens, and cries,
Look at what you have caused!
Look at what youve made me do!
I beseech you, Lord, my God in Heaven!
Take me instead! And if I shall burn in the fiery pits of Hell, then so be it!
Undo the sands of time, and bring her back!
And if I am not here to be with her, Lord, please give her the life she deserved
A life with happiness , and a man to be with her always!
A man unlike me, who stole her heart, and her life!
And God heard the desperate prayer
He undid the past, and brought the girl back
Her eyes fluttered,
And they opened to a very horrific sight
In a Christ-like pose he hung,
With a dagger in his bleak heart
A message was written in blood on the wall
Tears spilled, and Anguish grasped her heart excruciatingly
I am dreadfully sorry for the pain I have caused you, my love
May this new life God has given you be happy and long
My love for you is eternal
Copyright ©
FleurdeSang
... [
2004-08-15 18:08:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Obessessive love...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alina on
Sunday, 15th August 2004 @ 07:54:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Amazing and so well written!! I could see this so vividly in my mind !! AWESOME!! keep up the good work.
Alina |
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Re: Obessessive love...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 03:05:26 PM AEST
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When I first clapped eyes on the structure of this, I thought I'd be in for a turgid and quite tepid read. I was pleasantly surprised!
I must say I believe your language is highly effective in conveying a storyline. Have you ever written short stories? I'm inclined to believe that you are good enough - not that this is in anyway what I've come to expect as poetic prose, although you do have some nice lines;
"With a dagger in his bleak heart…"
I think the question is perchance moot, depending upon how mentally unstable the lover is. You certainly depicted a tormented soul here. Well done.
Thanks for writing, and . . . consider posting a story, if you have one written. I'd like to read it. |
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Re: Obessessive love...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 10:30:10 AM AEST
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Wow Steph,
You just, reach out there and grab the reader holding their attention here forcing them to watch as this scene unfolds. It's like, I don't want to see, don't want to watch, don't want to be there ... but once you have my attention you hold it with an iron grasp.
Incredible
Nazmythian ~ |
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