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The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
Contributed by
abnormalpunk
on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 11:05:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
dead are you in my eyes my son
i hate everything you have ever done
ashamed of you i am
to kill you id do anything i can
forgotten you are in my heart
i want to tear you world apart
desposition of you i have
i release you from my grasp
no longer are you my child
you are a beast, dangerous and wild
disgraceful are your ways
i pray they are short, all of your days
suicide should be your goal
youre just a part to me, never whole
murder is what i wish i could
death is what i think you should
consider to yourself at night
kill yourself, make us feel right
fallen from the righteous path
i hate you, just do the math
you never know what i think of you
just hide yourself and stop trying to bloom
a splinter in my side is what you are
in my eyes you'll never get far
Copyright ©
abnormalpunk
... [
2004-08-16 23:05:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 11:45:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hmmm..... |
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lessa on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 02:07:59 AM AEST
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| wow, thats not very nice to say to yourself or to have anyone say to u, but this poem certinly gets the feeling across as if they were saying it to u , so very good poem but a very sad feeling |
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 04:30:54 AM AEST
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Oh my god... this is soo....emotional it is.. i was in shock. This is a very deep things to be said about someone. Good write really powerful.
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by jkpunk13 on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 09:48:52 AM AEST
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| wow that holds power, i liked it |
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 01:47:21 PM AEST
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That left me feeling uncomfortable. A very strong write. I can't imagine what would have been done to hear words of such malignancy from a parent. I prey I never will.
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 05:08:05 PM AEST
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this was very good indeed almost had an emocore sound to it and I could imagine it being sung. Very well written.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by saveMEfromMYSELF on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 06:51:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| ***sympathy waves*** At least you have a father. just be glad you do. i would give anything to have a father that hates me than a father that's dead. you may think im nuts, but i truly would |
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by jonbalser on
Thursday, 26th August 2004 @ 11:25:48 PM AEST
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| really i liked your poem, very well written, and everyone is right, it would be hard to handle such harsh words being spoken to you, well you told me to leave a comment, so get back to me , later |
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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Flipped_out on
Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 02:52:37 AM AEST
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God Jeremy, this is heartfelt and a powerful write...
can i say I felt the way the wods where written may benefit from a more real speech term.. your way , in this poem, sounds a little bit like Yoda. I truly don't mean to be rude...The angst to me sounds like this was once a real convo
for example you write
ashamed of you i am
to kill you id do anything i can
forgotten you are in my heart
i want to tear you world apart
try
" ashamed of you? you bet I am"
"Id kill you son, with my bare hands"
I cleanse my heart you are forgotten
while you're alive my heart feel rotten
God ..I hope it is ok to do this... my words are not meant to be better...just trying to show you what i mean from real term conversation...just an example, not a correction
I honestly love this Punk..keep writing with such emotion..you are talented
Kell
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