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InVaDeR
Contributed by
delusions
on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 01:01:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
This feeling,
taking over every part of my body,
invading every space in my mind...
forcing me into darkness,
away from light,
hope,
freedom.
My body is weak,
the fight is over.
Fear envelops me,
and i give myself in...
I no longer feel.
This time it has gone too far,
this time it wont just end with stitches and a bandage...
I was taken over again,
my body was not mine,
my mind was something else's
and i was too weak from crying...
Copyright ©
delusions
... [
2004-08-18 01:01:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: InVaDeR
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 01:28:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very sad but we have the will to chose. One should never give up. U gotta keep the faith.
luv, huggs, strength, peace,
emy |
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Re: InVaDeR
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 03:34:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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You change tense from;
"this time it wont just end with stitches and a bandage..." onwards rather abruptly for my liking. I feel it could have been done with a bit more flesh on the bones, if you will, just so as the reader can appreciate the 'come-down' from such an ordeal.
Overall though, I found this interesting enough to pass comment upon, and to urge you to 'Keep writing'. |
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Re: InVaDeR
(User Rating: 1 )
by jenny21614 on
Wednesday, 18th August 2004 @ 09:04:58 AM AEST
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I like it. Very short, sweet, and to the point. Powerful and meaningful without making it a two page story! Good write.
xoxo-jen. |
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Re: InVaDeR
(User Rating: 1 )
by grip-wth-broken-fingers on
Sunday, 22nd August 2004 @ 06:57:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| nice use of words and very strong eeling i like that in a poem expression is a god thing thank you for this write and keep it up xgripx |
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Re: InVaDeR
(User Rating: 1 )
by unforgiven on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 01:31:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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hey huni....i wanna say that i know what that dark force does to u and how sometimes u can't seem to control what ur doing to urself because of it....thanks for putting into words what i could explain so well before....luv this poem!!
beccaj |
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