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Fall
Contributed by
XPoeticChicX
on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 02:20:09 AM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
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This is an insane world brutal at it's best living in complete darkness always having to impress never knowing what youll find as soon as you turn around
Flowers, kisses, and promises an I love you for all eternity suddenly fades into bruises sudden lies and excuses
confusing the thoughts in her head what's real, what's a lie Oh God theres nothing I'd like better than to fall Relive me of this betrayal help me find my soul again there's nothing I'd like better than to fall...
"You know I love you" is what runs through her mind still hearing those words she wonders why why he betrayed her, why the lies why the deciet, why he cheats
He stole her heart, and turned everyone against her, when all she gave him was love, he punished her like no other
confusing the thoughts in her head what's real, what's a lie Oh God theres nothing I'd like better than to fall Relive me of this betrayal help me find my soul again there's nothing I'd like better than to fall...
Cold hearted, warm hearted , always a contradiction he says I love you, but I hate you, I don't want you, yes I do, Oh I'm sorry that I hurt you, I just want her too
mind games he would play not caring that he destroyed her blackmailed and maniupulated abused and confused blamed and framed left all alone with tears of shame humiliated and tortured used for an endless time
Echos of laughter of his satan heart weird stares and tearing her apart humiliation, he made her the joke of the town then he tells her to turn this ***** frown upside down
confusing the thoughts in her head what's real, what's a lie Oh God theres nothing I'd like better than to fall Relive me of this betrayal help me find my soul again there's nothing I'd like better than to fall...
Anticipation of knowing the truth unexpected surprises heart pounding in her head remembering the lies you have said a rush of cold waves over her body as she stares into the unknown She had everything to lose and nothing to gain
confusing the thoughts in her head what's real, what's a lie Oh God theres nothing I'd like better than to fall Relive me of this betrayal help me find my soul again there's nothing I'd like better than to fall...
Copyright ©
XPoeticChicX
... [
2004-08-20 02:20:09] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fall
(User Rating: 1 ) by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 05:28:08 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Welcome to YPDC, PoeticChic! This is a heartwrenching first post! Thanks so much for sharing it.
Hoping you won't might a bit of feedback... I thought it was a tad long and could be shortended up by removing the repetition of the verse beginning with "confusing the thought in her head". I do like the verse - and thought it made a great ending... but... didn't think it was needed within the body of the poem as well. Just my two cents... (and I'm saying this only because the piece is listed as "Angry Poetry" and not "Lyrics" so I was guessing you intended a poem and not a song... ).
This is a powerful write. Very emotional. My comment is not meant to suggest that it is not... it was, just a thought I had...
Please keep writing & sharing... I'm looking forward to reading more of your work,
SNM |
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Re: Fall
(User Rating: 1 ) by bobotheclown on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 06:28:34 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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while i have never been abused, except for maybe verbally, I do suffer from depression. I can empathize somewhat with this poem and if u are indeed in an abusive relationship I urge you to get out now. If you aren't I commend you for accurately capturing the emotions.
Bobo (Joel) |
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