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And in the Mourning
Contributed by
TwEeK
on
Tuesday, 31st August 2004 @ 04:55:16 AM in AEST
Topic:
war
|
desertment
when your hardly aware
of the men lined up befour you
where they pin the target
right over your heart
and take aim
shellshock
allusion and confusion
are what kills in these wars
and in the mouning
larks dying
cry
"AIM"
gaze into theyre souls
but they will not put down theyre guns
as a single random fire echos
into the new dawn
of mourning
so many
die this terrible way
when mearly its not theyre fault
they must leave loved ones behind
and stare head on into death
into the hollow of a gun
on tear falls
in the mourning
as ones head drops to his chest
Copyright ©
TwEeK
... [
2004-08-31 04:55:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: And in the Mourning
(User Rating: 1 )
by TwEeK on
Tuesday, 31st August 2004 @ 11:16:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Mistake Alert!
sorry, in this poem, all 4 words "mourning", in the title and throught the poem are to be spelt "Morning".
sorry for the mistake, i always seem to get the 2 mixed up!
plus given to that fact that it was early in the morning [ha! got it right there!] and i had just waken up!
i would have revised the poem, but i have already done all 3 of my allowed poems.
but hopefully a revised one will come out soon, possibly with a few extra added lines!
thanks!
Tweek |
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Re: And in the Mourning
(User Rating: 1 )
by skyblumoon on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 04:06:59 PM AEST
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The spelling doesn't take away from it at all. I thought it was very sad. It painted a picture in my mind and I could really see this happening.
Blu |
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Re: And in the Mourning
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 03:10:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Heart 'renching' indeed. Whenver this was comepleted, your head obviously wasn't very clear. Your mispelling merely accentuates their melocholy, and you allusions to the illusions spell disaster. Before you try at this again...get some sleep. |
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