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the after math
Contributed by
wild_girl121
on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 05:46:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
abc 123
me and you
thats how it used to be
things change in a flash
just like that.
i liked you then
but now its
like whiplash
everytime i see
or just think of you
i think what the
heck did i do wronge
knowing ill never get
you back.
i wish i was your's
forever and a day.
no one can beat
how i feel for you.
never again
can i
make u mine .......
Copyright ©
wild_girl121
... [
2004-09-03 17:46:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the after math
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 07:43:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| You captured the feeling well. Two constructive comments I hope you will take as trying to be helpful. 'yours' doesn't need the apostrophe and try not to abreviate 'you' as 'u' as so many do. It's fine in chat or slam poetry when reading aloud, but in a written poem I find it a little distracting. And 'watch the spelling' as my creative non-fiction teacher would say... Thanks for posting! |
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Re: the after math
(User Rating: 1 )
by wild_girl121 on
Friday, 3rd September 2004 @ 10:48:58 PM AEST
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| thank you for your advice |
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Re: the after math
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 8th September 2004 @ 05:55:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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only a couple of typing errors so what?
good work. |
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