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This time he can stay
Contributed by
matts_sweetie_04
on
Sunday, 5th September 2004 @ 06:20:44 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
She looks at the guy walking toward her with his eyes fixed on her and her only.
He cant believe how much he missed her and how without her he has been lonely.
She beams a great smile on her face.
He walks tall and proud with dignity and grace.
She runs into his open arms.
He imediately feels at home again,comfortable and warm.
She hugs him tight then looks in his eyes.
He lifts her chin and gives her a kiss that makes her heart fly.
They continue to kiss without a care.
People pass and stop to stare.
He then takes her hand and leads the way.
She is happy beyond belief that this time he is home for good, this time he can stay.
Copyright ©
matts_sweetie_04
... [
2004-09-05 18:20:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This time he can stay
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remy on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 12:45:27 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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awww, cute! i wish you well on that one, must be hard...
~Remy~ |
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Re: This time he can stay
(User Rating: 1 )
by mysticpoet on
Thursday, 28th October 2004 @ 11:06:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I liked the feeling you put into your poem, but it was too wordy. Try rewriting it and condensing the thoughts down.
You must love him a lot-hope you don't mind but I made a few changes- just a thought
She watches him walk toward her
With his eyes fixed on her only.
She can’t believe how much she missed him,
without him she’s been so lonely.
Love lights up her face
He walks tall and proud with dignity and grace.
He’s home finally; comfortable and warm.
As she runs into his open arms.
She hugs him tight then looks in his eyes.
He lifts her chin, kisses her, her heart flies.
They continue to kiss without a care.
People pass and stop to stare.
He then takes her hand and leads the way.
He’s finally home, this time to stay
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