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It
Contributed by
alecfernadez
on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 09:59:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
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It was a pretty body in a pretty blue dress My heart was sold the first time I met it On that sandy beach in southern France I watched it from behind the grassy hill As It stripped down the to the bare So perfect It lay down, toes beneath the sand Arms splayed, body for all to see My god it was built to perfection I mustered all the courage I had And walked down to meet it There it was lying in fall splendour I layed down beside it Clasped my hand over its chest It screamed Holding its head between my hands I twisted with all the strength I had Until the struggling body ceased I removed my clothes and lay above The now lifeless pristine corpse And fell in love this time for real
Copyright ©
alecfernadez
... [
2004-09-06 09:59:45] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: It
(User Rating: 1 ) by inoc on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 10:06:11 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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you wrote it well
but the ending...I was hoping for a different one
but nice write anyway...
cheers! |
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Re: It
(User Rating: 1 ) by Kie on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 10:23:40 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I think if I have EVER read a poem written by a sociopath or someone with sociopathic tendancies it would be similiar to the one you wrote. You just wrote it well, brilliant in fact.
You captured with words the feeling of no conscience, the coldness, the unfeeling and no thought to consequence for a behavior.
I couldn't have chosen a more fitting title.
I am beyond impressed with this one Alex. I am stunned.
You have a dark beauty that your pen brings to life in every reader's mind.
Bravo and well done.
Kie |
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Re: It
(User Rating: 1 ) by kyletycz on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 01:41:36 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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awsome poem, its sad to know that there are people who cant understand that their actions are evil in nature, but they cannot tell the differnece, there is much sadness in my opinion there, and i love how you conveyed it in yoru writing,
keep up the good work
l8r
Ninja Tycz |
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