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Fabled Creature
Contributed by
Ell
on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 04:01:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
Fabled Creature
Red soles hit left and right
Each foot leaving the pavement
Sends a new signal to register
With the iris in the middle of those little white spheres
In our heads.
In turn
The leg sets down
On the wet black top
Leaving behind
La otra calle
The six packs of soda would come strolling by
Red and blue lights
Was the sirens cry
Those nights atop the garages
Those nights between the bushes
People chasing
And hands tagging
Time elapsing
And still no action yet
Load that cap gun
Draw that plastic sword
The yellow eyes
Watching the scene play out
Melt against the alley background
To be street lamps once again.
Merciless innocence
Why should the story end?
I would chase you to the end of my breath.
I would stand outside and let the rain come down
Until you opened that door.
I will walk into a room and walk by again
Until you notice me.
If Ive said it once then Ill say it again
Hi.
I just want to be a boy again.
Sitting down in the chair
Women behind desks
Kids scratching out graphite
Then passing up their tests
Phones ringing
While Im sitting
Lunch trays
Checker the lunch tables
And the clock breaks again
Light up the stairs
With a colorful song
Knowing that Im late again
Time to conform
Silhouetted against the form
The bell has just rung
Time for a still frame
Outside in the foyer
The faces
In front of the cases
Load onto the camera
Hit the pavement with momentum
Back pack slinging
People bringing
Fight.
Uniforms flying
Relentless sighing
Never
Is it better yet?
Sun down in second lot
Closes out another day
And closes out the last deal
Weve got to get away from this place
I would chase you to the end of my breath
I would stand outside and let the rain come down
Until you opened that door.
I will walk into a room and walk by again
Until you notice me.
If Ive said it once Ill say it again
Hi.
I just want to be a boy again.
All that
Is good enough for some
But something is missing here
Introspection
A bad connection
I am not happy here
Am I part of the cure
Or part of the disease
Someone tell me what team Im on please
Strip me of my maturity
Then throw away the suit and tie
Take in the essence of innocence
I cant find it
But maybe I did
Something is familiar here
You bring new light
To shed on new things
Is this what Im waiting for?
Yeah
This is what Im waiting for.
Through those green eyes
The image of the moment thrives
And in that light
The memory comes alive
In the clear blue night sky
From the clear blue night sky
I would chase you to the end of my breath
I would stand outside and let the rain come down
Until you opened that door.
I would walk into a room and walk by again
Until you noticed me.
If Ive said it once Ill say it again
Hi.
You make me feel like a boy again.
Copyright ©
Ell
... [
2004-09-06 16:01:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fabled Creature
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 06:00:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
In my opinion, this is a bit long to remain feasible. I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of this, and if you could somehow condense the latter half into something half its length, and work on the theme (i;m still slightly confused as to the creature in question - is it a woman/girl/lover?) with a means to improving the message, you'd have a great poem here.
Left slightly confused, I am.
Keep writing. |
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Re: Fabled Creature
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 06:10:53 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Somewhere underneath we are all still children, looking for playmates to be close to. That, I thought, you captured well. I remember playing 'hide and seek' as teenagers after dark in a housing complex. As the above comment suggests though, there needs to be some clear division in stanzas - at least for reading; although read aloud with your own emphasis, it might be clearer what the division is I think. I'm confused by knowing that poetry is supposed to be less spectific than prose - still I get fuzzy images in my head from this one. :-) |
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