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Lost At Sea
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 11:13:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
They laid a wreath upon the waves
Ovr the secrets that lurked beneath
They watched as the sun began to slip away
Burying wishes in the deep
They held each other desperately
Hope falling away with every wave
They listened to the water patter against the hull
But didnt cry that day
The lovers voices echoed from the sea
At dawn, secrets began to wash aground
They heard the message but wouldnt understand
So little else was found
The lovers words were crystal clear
But still impossible for them to believe
They wondered aloud if it could really be true
That the lovers dared the sea
And when finally they did accept
Their morbid thoughts as absolute
They knew the lovers own desires had brought
Death in relative youth
Still, their eyes were dry
As they imagined the lovers watery grave
They had labeled it a double suicide by then
But tears waited another day
For the sea held one final secret
Which brought tears in untamed waves
Finally they found the note that the lovers wrote
Begging to be saved
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-09-06 23:13:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 11:17:58 PM AEST
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This was absolutely wonderful..and so well written...
Loved it
Jenni |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 6th September 2004 @ 11:50:03 PM AEST
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as in the words of jenni, very well written,your poem has a nice flowing pattern to it,well done.
wildejohnny. |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 12:10:36 AM AEST
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Beautifully done. You relayed your feelings vividly here.
Rita |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 12:38:41 AM AEST
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Somtimes those "spills" are unintentional masterpieces. A fantastic read, and a wonderfully woven tale ...
( What was it on the tellie that inspired this write ? )
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by katyqueen35 on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 03:28:47 AM AEST
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sad but yet beautiful.
good write. |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 07:46:43 AM AEST
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| Well now Ie expect to see more from you in this catagory. You are a woderful story teller! |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 10:48:10 AM AEST
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Wow. I kept picturing these two teens and one of them being a child of mine. Heartwrenching.
Stitch |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by poetryman30 on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 10:55:06 AM AEST
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Such a tragic story, SNM...I'd like to know more detail of it..
I still don't understand this category...for all poems tell a story...but you have done a wonderful job in the telling of this one. The last line caught me off gaurd.
Only you could could capture the beauty and the sadness of this..
Excellent...PM30 |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by WinterFawn on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 12:53:25 PM AEST
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Ohhh...this is awesome SNM! Like a romantic tragedy then the last stanza stops you cold!...marvelous story you have written for us!
WinterFawn |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Tuesday, 7th September 2004 @ 02:34:08 PM AEST
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Groovee.
--Mothy |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Wednesday, 8th September 2004 @ 12:27:48 PM AEST
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| deeply emotional and beautiful* |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 02:28:51 PM AEST
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Wow! I like this one. Vaguely mystical (or at least that's the way poetry of the sea always affects me) and romantic, but with an edge. Very good!
Andrew |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 02:30:42 PM AEST
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Wow! I like this one. Vaguely mystical (or at least that's the way poetry of the sea always affects me) and romantic, but with an edge. Very good!
Andrew |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by SocialMisfit on
Sunday, 12th September 2004 @ 11:57:49 PM AEST
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i like it, this is the first poem i have read of yours but if all are as good as this then i must have a peek anyhow gj this is a good write.
SM |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Overstated on
Monday, 13th September 2004 @ 04:11:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| a lovely piece thank you for sharing this piece |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 07:06:41 PM AEST
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ohhhhh how sad, i got chills! thanx a lot! lol, this is an excellent write, hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elena on
Monday, 20th September 2004 @ 08:13:29 AM AEST
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As beautiful as it is tragic.
E |
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Re: Lost At Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 26th May 2006 @ 09:15:17 PM AEST
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Well, I don't what you saw to inspire this but it certainly is sad.
I really don't know how you do it, Snemmers but you most certainly have a wonderful gift.
Even with tragedy you write beautifully.
Timbo
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