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Would You
Contributed by
jt
on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 08:33:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
if you could touch the surface of the sun
would you reach out your hand to feel
or would you beckon someone else to try
to make sure it was safe and real
if you could hold a heartbeat in your hands
would you hold it softly or tight
would you fear that you may let it fall
or that you might not hold it right
if you could stop a tear from falling
and breaking on the cold hard ground
would you kiss tears away from sad eyes
or hide your face and turn around
if you could return the love I gave you
would you reach out your heart to me
or would you take me on that ride again
and discard my heart for all to see.
Copyright ©
jt
... [
2004-09-09 20:33:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Would You
(User Rating: 1 )
by CrimsonOrgazm on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 08:37:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i love it :) |
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Re: Would You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 08:39:54 PM AEST
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| Now this dear friend is a wonderfully worked poem. The lilt, line and imagery really doth tends to shine. The subject matter itself is one that sparks a question in the mind and a meaning in hearts..would you indeed. Once again I must say this is a beautifully written piece... and the question sit asks...such difficult choices and such heavy penalties... A hauntingly familiar tale throughout.. I cannot but feel the same questions in my heart and mind as I read this. |
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Re: Would You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 9th September 2004 @ 10:55:42 PM AEST
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| powerful and emotional write. this has some philosophy to it. amazing write. |
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Re: Would You
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Friday, 10th September 2004 @ 05:27:32 PM AEST
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Ohhhhh . . . I absolutely love this. The imagery of a tear falling and breaking as it hits the ground-- just, wow. *rereads once or twice* Very nicely written, creative-- you've got a lot of talent. Maybe you could go for a sliiightly more original title, though?
--Nora |
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Re: Would You
(User Rating: 1 )
by emospaztic on
Saturday, 11th September 2004 @ 10:23:29 AM AEST
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Good questions. Too often, people add question marks to poems like this, but the absence of them makes the poem so much more open and real.
-emo. |
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