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seven-Pointed Star
Contributed by
amsy
on
Saturday, 11th September 2004 @ 11:53:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
A star with seven points glows in the dark
there are many stars
this particular star is next to your photo
falling to sleep I notice these stars
my own private constellations
gradually the stars disappear and darkness takes over
in the day time they seem to soak up the light
like magic
never failing to light up my room like tiny fireflies
seven pointed star
each point is a day that goes by
altogether a week
for a week now
my feelings for you have been both light and dark
confident and glowing
unsure and dark
like magic
I too keep recharging
I know I am stuck
only its not a wall I am taped to but your heart.
Copyright ©
amsy
... [
2004-09-11 23:53:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: seven-Pointed Star
(User Rating: 1 )
by emospaztic on
Sunday, 12th September 2004 @ 01:01:44 PM AEST
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You use the word "Star" too much in the beginning, and you tell the reader too much instead of showing them, but I really like your concept here.
-emo. |
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Re: seven-Pointed Star
(User Rating: 1 )
by amsy on
Friday, 17th September 2004 @ 10:51:30 PM AEST
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hi,
i wrote this poem a long time ago, when i was real young lol |
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