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Neophile
Contributed by
EternitysLyre
on
Tuesday, 14th September 2004 @ 09:50:06 AM in AEST
Topic:
fictional
|
He opened his eyes
For the first time
And it was
Beautiful
Everything was shiny and brilliant
(Coated with infinite tinges of honey)
The air tasted like silver
And the gold just never stopped pouring down
Adventures broke out
Across the kitchen floor
Daddy was the eiffel tower
(And the world's tallest trampoline)
Mommy was the statue of liberty
---(except much, much softer and not so green)---
Little miss damsel,
(Glittery and beautifully bonny with her shiny blue bonnet)
was being attacked by
Monsters
But always, (always...)
Mr. knight came galloping to the rescue
(White as snow and glowing with--with--)
The ones and twos exploded into war
Strewing the paper with casualties
Sevens, threes, thrown to the side
As the equal signs watched on in worry
While the plusses, multiplies and divides found themselves caught in the fray
The alphabets lined up for roll call
Then ran around in endless hide-and-seek
The e's kept hiding, a consonant away
From it's fellow vowels
(And, just between u and i, 'e' kept hanging around i)
The world felt like a giant box
Tinker toys galore
Tinkling toys and skittles spilling all across the floor
And falling through the bottom
Where the alphabets played a very funny kind of game
"You're too old to be playing with toys."
But he saw the boxes everywhere
Walls and walls of boxes, stealing (and filling themselves a little beyond the brim)
A little cube of the outside world
(Even though the box he owned was filled with more boxes)
But somehow the alphabets seemed sick of "hide-and-seek"
"8-year olds don't spell Mommy with the 'my' "
(Or that word that felt like h)
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today;"
(The more you do, the more you're through, the more it goes away!)
And so he did. Yet
Tomorrow kept running away from him
And his neck was sore from all that 'looking ahead'
Everyone said
"Work now, play later!"
(But the i's stopped liking the 'e's)
And later was always late.
"History repeats itself."
Sort of like how Monday repeated itself and Tuesday followed suit
Fridays featured free response and Wednesdays spelled essay
S, a, t in SATurdays and sundays had no "Sun"
Climbing trees fell into G's and play became PA
And they were (he laughed)
"Beautiful"
Everything was gaudy and distant
(Rusted with infinite pinges of pain)
The air tasted like sulfur
And the rain just never stopped pouring down--
He opened his eyes
For the last time
And
"Life Sucked."
Copyright ©
EternitysLyre
... [
2004-09-14 09:50:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Neophile
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jolly on
Tuesday, 14th September 2004 @ 10:12:29 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| one..derful... |
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Re: Neophile
(User Rating: 1 )
by neveryours on
Tuesday, 14th September 2004 @ 01:05:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I stopped to comment because I was pleased that you acknowledge the short comings of your free verse. There were some clever moments, but altogether too wordy and long for your message. My suggestion would be to rework it so that each word becomes essential to the essence you are trying to portray. I think the effort was original, and so obviously a good start.
please continue with your effort.
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Re: Neophile
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Tuesday, 14th September 2004 @ 01:42:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A truly powerful ending! Wow.
As I read your poem it was like someone telling me an indepth story or saga of elaboration.
I loved it! Very well done.
Kie |
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Re: Neophile
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 14th September 2004 @ 03:26:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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""8-year olds don't spell Mommy with the 'my' "
(Or that word that felt like h)"
Mesmeric. And although I wouldn't try rating anyone else's free verse (I'm worse than you are, thanks) - I'd say that if it was good for you, then its good enough for me.
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