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The Pressure of Your Deep Sea
Contributed by
neveryours
on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 10:20:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
It was a delicious invitation
Me, hot and damp,
The vapor of life, of this day
Rising like ghosts against the
Black pavement, another world
Too thick and heavy for my
Slight life
And you, temptation and
Such promise on your cool shore
Salted waves reaching for me and then
Tantalizing retreat
Until of course, I reach for you
Toe first, never doubting my
Timidity, and hesitation
And the exchange of heat from my
Inner storm, and chill from your
Impossible fluidity
Before I could draw back in my surprise
My foot is drowned
Now I am bold, because a drowned foot
While lost has not really broken me,
So what would another toe hurt, and this
Release and this refresh and this
Desire.
Too soon I am submerged
Your pull is suddenly stronger
Than my regret
And lost in some violent undertow, you
Draw me in.
My ears begin to ring
And the sweetness of your
Gentle breath
Is now unbearable
all around me
Is too close and
(Icantbreathehere)
Whats left of me spits back to shore
A pale and bloated shell
And all the passersby shake their heads
Having seen it all before.
Copyright ©
neveryours
... [
2004-09-15 10:20:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Pressure of Your Deep Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Wednesday, 6th October 2004 @ 01:09:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Interesting - definately different. I think its great how its basically erotic but too vague get deleted off the main site. =D |
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Re: The Pressure of Your Deep Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 07:21:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I'm not sure if I'm the odd man out, or the lone appreciator of true talent. While I don't know if I'm a great enough authority to laud either your form or your diction, but I can tell you this--your metaphor of the endless ocean of lust and passion is executed fluently and without any contradiction; often poetry ends up "changing its mind" halfway, and such clashing cacophanies are not always appreciable, but in your case, your figurative language is a rock-solid monument to the true powers of the omitted comparison.
Let the dim and unwilling forgo the perfection you've presented before your audience--at least one person thinks it's something of value.
Enrapturingly done.
~The Palatine Poet |
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