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I Tried, and I Died.
Contributed by
TwEeK
on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 05:01:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
i cry
on the outskirts of this city
that strangles off the breath of life
i die
in my own little made up world
where i sit on my toadstool and think to my self
i sigh
with emotion and pain
overlooking the hellish city from my third floor window
i try
to live each day for all its worth
but what can you do, stuck in a mental institution
i have sighed, and i have cried
i have tried, but i have died
i cried
living inside myself
listening but not listening, staring at the ceiling
i died
dying inside, each painstakeing hour
empty soul, nothing but a crumpled paper that holds the story of my life
i sighed
giving life one last glance out the grimy window
closing my eyes off to the white walls, once again
i tried
i gave it my all
but in the end i lost the game and all perished
i would sigh, and i would cry
but at least i tried, and died in the end.
Copyright ©
TwEeK
... [
2004-09-15 17:01:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Tried, and I Died.
(User Rating: 1 )
by emospaztic on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 05:03:26 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Nice. It needs a little cleaning up, the putting together of "sigh, try, cry, die" stanzas are a little off of the rhythm. Capitalize the "I"s, otherwise, nice work.
-emo. |
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Re: I Tried, and I Died.
(User Rating: 1 )
by monophobic on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 05:13:55 PM AEST
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| i thought this poem was well done and personal and i love personal poems-i never i dont' thinking capitol i's make a big deal i never do that!!! good write |
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Re: I Tried, and I Died.
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 15th September 2004 @ 05:27:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
U r write it's exstremely sad but greatly written.
U know what I like best 'bout writting poems is the fact that I can make up my own words and freestyle in anyw way I want.
I din't find anything that needed changing as it's quiet unique writing.
I know what emotional trama or psycology problems can do.
My Drs. finally found my undiognosed problems of a nervous disorder and with meds I feel much freer. It took years and many drs. to finally find the write meds for my chemical inbalence in my brain.
Never give up, if one Dr doesn't help then find another. Un fortunatly there are amny drs. out there for the money but once in a blue moon you'll get one that wont give up and bingo once u get the right meds you'll like life is real and not jus agony.
I've put u in my prayers.
Awesome writing as I know the feelings from my passt.
If u need a listening ear pm me on this site anytime.
luv, huggs, faith, hope, peace, joy,
emystar |
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