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Pushing on Shove
Contributed by
Lee
on
Wednesday, 22nd September 2004 @ 08:36:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
Every time I'm pushed away
All I have to say
All that I have to say
All that I can really say
Every time I'm pushed so close away
All I have to say is:
Four chairs and a mandolin
A man playing a violin
And I'm eating tapioca
Glad it's not liver and okra
Turn the third chair around
Jump five inches in the air
And say "Mocha hocus-pocus"
Guessing game is hopeless
I can't find my focus
So "Mocha hocus-pocus"
I'm eating hot-fudge sundaes
Out of my drooping ears
Wondering if these red dots
On my face will ever disappear
Copyright ©
Lee
... [
2004-09-22 20:36:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Pushing on Shove
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 22nd September 2004 @ 09:17:41 PM AEST
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"Every time I'm pushed away
All I have to say
All that I have to say
All that I can really say
Every time I'm pushed so close away
All I have to say is:" this part of your poem was very redundant and just doesnt fit in this poem at all. the rest of it is interestingbecause of the randomness, but i didnt find it amusing. hrm, oh well, no big deal.
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Re: Pushing on Shove
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lee on
Wednesday, 22nd September 2004 @ 09:57:02 PM AEST
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The Surreal Eel y'know Feel says:
I appreciate your candid comment but the first segment of the poem is menat not to fit and the humor of the second segment is that is delightfully random.
Have another read if you will.
That is all.
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Re: Pushing on Shove
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Thursday, 23rd September 2004 @ 07:01:50 AM AEST
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funny I have felt like this on some days
like the hot fudge sundae
Shari |
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Re: Pushing on Shove
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 23rd September 2004 @ 08:38:29 PM AEST
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| HAHA! I like this, I know the feeling all to well |
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Re: Pushing on Shove
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 24th September 2004 @ 07:18:29 AM AEST
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I liked the antithesis, although it does stutter in the beginning - intentional or not, it did bug me. I like the distribution of elements, from furniture and chairs, to musicians and music, where you infuse texture (tapioca pudding) and action . . .
However, I found it more strange than amusing, although it more than likely amuses you in some way.
Keep writing. |
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