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Last Goodbye
Contributed by
Blaq_rose
on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 08:59:37 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
staring up
sky stained red
the blood of another
another one dead
stalk away silent
as you once learned
but a horrible feeling
made you stop and return
look into her eyes
look at her tears
you'd never regretted
in so many years
but this girl was different
she wasn't the same
and now it hits you
you knew her by name
this wasn't your target!
this was the wrong girl!
your one and only love
and you ended her world
you fall to your knees
tears in your eyes
all over trembling
arms limp at your sides
how could you have made
such a fatal mistake?
forget dignity
you cry for her sake
quick, beg for mercy!
maybe she'll rise
throw back her head
and laugh to the skies
but no, its all over
no musical laugh
you think what to do
suicidal at her behalf
lean over her body
kiss her cool lips
pick up her cold hands
kiss the fingertips
whisper apologies
swear to her now
you'd love her forever
starting right now
lift the gun up
to the notch near your ear
fast pull the trigger
down your cheek slides a tear
Copyright ©
Blaq_rose
... [
2004-09-25 08:59:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 09:06:15 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Dam so vivid and clear, a story within a poem, images clearly shown, pictures forming, beautfiully written and welcome back. awesome write...cheers for sharing |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lee on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 09:18:37 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
The Surreal eeL y'know Feel
of Sandman's Teal Coat Spiel Congealed says:
Good narrative.
Sad tale.
Well done! |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by MickeyPigKnuckles on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 09:33:31 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| My hats off to you as you paint such an awesome picture with your words of poetry. I want to Thank You for sharing yourself and especially your talents with all of us. Great Job. Please have a look at some of mine and if worthy leave a message. MickeyPigKnuckles :o) |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 10:16:52 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow!!!!
very powerful!
very dark!
very good!
i love it! |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnastasiaN on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 12:16:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| this poem is sooo dark but sooo relatable...if that's a word. i loved it and it got to me....i know how it all feels. |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by willow_tara72002 on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 12:41:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Im not good at comments. but, i liked this one,. its sad, full of heartache |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by PsykoticDoll on
Saturday, 25th September 2004 @ 03:29:52 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Wow, one of the best I've read in a very long time. Absolutely beautiful! |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Sunday, 26th September 2004 @ 02:38:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| AWESOME! OMG THIS IZ BRILLIANT! |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 26th September 2004 @ 12:03:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow this is brilliant! powerful, easy to read and just perfect lol. I could picture it and everything.
Great write
Take Care
- Becca |
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Re: Last Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by FunkyMonkeyMania on
Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 05:22:03 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| jane jane jane, well, u certainly didnt get any poem-writing-talent from me. lol. i would not be able to write anything even close to that good. admirable job, old chap. love emily |
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