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Taunting Torrents
Contributed by
eatfresh22
on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 09:29:57 AM in AEST
Topic:
hbadday
|
Gray clouds close in overhead
And dreary skies taunt me above.
The gentle drizzle is now a thrashing torrent.
The sun is hidden from my view.
The cold snapping wind whips my hair,
And it lashes at my tear streamed face.
Each drop of rain stabs my soul with another
Heart-wrenching chill.
But the worst is only yet to come...
When I look and realize I am alone.
A silent fog now encompasses me,
A sinister switch from the strong arms
That were once there.
The trees hang drearily, and my
Heart mimicks their fatigue.
Like the sharp stone underfoot,
I have become accustomed to the
Desensitizing downpour.
But following this internal rain
Is a drought for the tears which have run dry.
Will the sun break through the haunting heavens
Or will gloom never fade from this
Heart-aching child?
Copyright ©
eatfresh22
... [
2004-09-30 09:29:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 09:43:07 AM AEST
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The trees hang drearily, and my
Heart mimicks their fatigue.
I love these lines. The reflection of your inside projected into the earth. Marvelous.
Stitch
(who knows these feelings, too) |
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by a_bear on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 09:48:51 AM AEST
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The poem is very descriptive and some lines I loved, but some words took away from the beauty of the poem (for me) because I had to struggle to read them..like
Desensitizing downpour...it's hard for me to pronounce that...it's almost like a tongue twister..for me...but I poetry is very descriptive, has a lot of feeling and overall I liked it. Who cares, huh? LOL.
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remy on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 11:42:30 AM AEST
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i remember upon aches such as these periodically, very descriptive your writing is... hope missing him doesn't get in your way too badly.
~Remy~ |
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 08:16:42 PM AEST
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Very good! I love the way this was worded. And I actually liked desensitizing downpour when I read it, so, to each his (or her) own.
Good expression, my friend. Nai anar caluva tielyanna!
Andrew |
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 03:25:14 PM AEST
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Carrie!!! I LOVE this!!! L-O-V-E LOVE!!! It sounds like something I'd write. Come to think of it, I wish I HAD written it. It's my all-time favorite of yours.
~sighs and is totally smitten with this poem~
Chels |
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tanmaya on
Tuesday, 5th October 2004 @ 03:16:10 AM AEST
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Great write!
I can't say which stanza I liked the best, coz all of them are amazing.
Loved the way you've used nature, to express the feelings of the heart. Or rather-- the climate of the heart... when it's a home to gloom and sadness.
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Thursday, 7th October 2004 @ 04:36:36 PM AEST
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Thanking you so much Carrie for the lovely comment you just left on my poem.
May I say WELCOME TO YPDC........you are going to love it here, and the more you comment, the more will get to know you and love you too!
This poem was excellent, my dear, you have very much talent for sure!
I'm so sorry you are sad, and I hope he will come back, or you can find a close replacement! I've been there and know how it feels to miss the strength of his arms and hugs! Chin up....keep writing...you have so many lovely things to procure........and reading them will be our treat! I love your description and contrast from one stansa to the other....is refreshing indeed!
Warm hugs
LovingCritters
ConSue |
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by faith_my_eyes on
Monday, 11th October 2004 @ 09:35:48 PM AEST
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| excellent write carrie. I love the alliteration in this one. |
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hurretje on
Friday, 15th October 2004 @ 02:22:12 AM AEST
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Wow, this is great..your words are haunting and recognizable as they invade my mind with a wide array of images...
Strong work!
Hugs,
Hur |
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Re: Taunting Torrents
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 07:43:40 PM AEST
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I really like it. Carrie. You really shine in this one. Your choice of words is astounding. I mean, seriously, this is good.
Take care, Carrie.
I love you.
David |
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