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I am afraid
Contributed by
Jime60647
on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 11:43:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
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I am afraid!
I am afraid of what Ill say
I am afraid of what Ill do
I am afraid of who I am
I am afraid that youll be too!
I am afraid to let go!
I am afraid to let you know!
Just what I want to be
What if they get to know me
Copyright ©
Jime60647
... [
2004-10-01 23:43:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I am afraid
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 11:51:47 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| well i think you have overused the part "i am afraid", but that is just for my tastes. near the ending i liked your choppy rhythym. i cant say that youve tried to rhyme in this, which isnt a bad thing. many great poems and poets make it big without rhymes =] very nice write. many people are afraid of the same things, so this is an excellent write of which the populas can relate to. thats always essential to me, that the poem/song is something thats able to be understood or to be related to. i think your poem could also be longer. it seems like you had a lot to say and that you didnt say it all. i hope you keep up the great writes =] |
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Re: I am afraid
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueeyedevil13 on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 01:52:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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yes i think that you used i am afraid too much but i did that too. maybe you'll grow out of it like me. but all in all its a good poem, but you need expression for people really be able to connect with it. just a little more work and you'll have it down!! good luck
av |
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Re: I am afraid
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 07:49:22 AM AEST
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I think you focused on stating your fears rather then expressing your emotion. Sometiimes we carry old baggage witih us; and we need to challange those old fears: as maybe they are just habits now, which we can discard. Perhaps you should write several poems telling what you are not afraid of, to give yourself some balance. At least you reached out to communicate. KEEP WRITING!
Willofree.
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