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Devils advocate.
Contributed by
sweettalkingwoman
on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 02:05:52 PM in AEST
Topic:
ChristianPoetry
|
Christen me with hot desire
baptize you, with carnal fire
let me cleanse you, I push you in
let yourself submit to sin.
as your passion begins to swell
I welcome you to fiery hell
the elevators, at floor seven
as you pull yourself, away from heaven.
The pearly gates are closed for you
let temptations lust run right through
my body a temple, the beds on fire
as you breathe, my soul entire.
Moans reach your throat, hot and wild
Satans a woman, and I, her child,
eyes black as night, my voice makes you swell
as I welcome you, to personal Hell.
Now you've one last choice to make
worship me, make no mistake
appease God, and think you can win?
or please me? and burn for sin.
Copyright ©
sweettalkingwoman
... [
2004-10-08 14:05:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by katyqueen35 on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 03:17:33 PM AEST
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Very well discribe.good write.
oh by the way welcome to the YPDC family. |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 03:43:19 PM AEST
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Very seductive write.
Loved your use of the
religious themes and
images.
Each stanza has
something cool
and different from the others.
The rhymes were very
effective and complimentary.
Exciting work.
Good, good stuff.
--Mothy |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by tormentedpixie on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 04:10:53 PM AEST
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| Very nice. Great description. Keep up the good work! ^_^ |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Solnubis on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 04:17:01 PM AEST
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| Wow excellent write. Very sensual. I could feel the heat, the passion, though no love. |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Greasefire on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 07:33:46 PM AEST
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| Mommy, I'm scared! |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dorian on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 10:26:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
a lovely statement and testiment of a womens
prowess, beautifuly done . . . Dorian ********** |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bruce on
Saturday, 9th October 2004 @ 08:21:39 AM AEST
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| good write |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 11th October 2004 @ 08:05:09 AM AEST
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Some things didn't fit, and I think correlating floor seven with heaven is a bit weak, personally.
'as you breathe, my soul entire.' was also a bit off being described well, as it didn't really work . . . however - as this is only about the second religious poem I've ever read, I could say I found it somewhat stimulating, and I can only ask your sinfulness to write more.
Heh.
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Tuesday, 12th October 2004 @ 02:50:00 PM AEST
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Intriguing ... well written, an experience to read.
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Tuesday, 12th October 2004 @ 07:41:30 PM AEST
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| Good write as the others have said. |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by m3 on
Thursday, 14th October 2004 @ 02:15:35 AM AEST
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What Neptune said...
God write,
M3 |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by eyesxcriedxout1989 on
Friday, 24th December 2004 @ 03:57:46 PM AEST
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This was a great write...Written awesomely...I just wish Neptunes_First would get the stick out of his ass and enjoy things more
Mason |
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Re: Devils advocate.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bridget_theMidget_Powerz on
Wednesday, 5th January 2005 @ 11:55:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| OH MY GOD! This is the best poem I have ever read...anywhere! You should be very proud of yourself! I am in love (or if you prefer lust) with this work of art! |
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