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rythomqat and the alias of old...
Contributed by
metro
on
Friday, 15th October 2004 @ 04:38:23 PM in AEST
Topic:
Nostalgic
|
yer life packed into boxes,
stacked up - stationary
in the corner of the room...
where once there was whitewall,
an echo of leaving -
(the way you'd always done)
and once upon a time
you were the well-known face
without a name...
from Buffalo to Madison,
Boulder, etcetera -
suspended from the tops of
tall buildings in Tulsa,
the greyhound gallows
you so often took steps to...
palms raised, upward -
begging change from passing strangers
(anything but strange)
while staring off, as if to say
they'd never seen you...
loose silver, making music in yer hands,
tobacco leaves and breakfast alike -
a 7eleven, the remants of july...
bare feet braving the red brick beneath them,
the ever-perpetual goodbye, and
yer lovers - oh, yer lovers,
many and magnificent -
how innocent they were to love you,
no matter yer going away...
and you lose yerself in the memories
writing them down for people to read,
so somehow certain they never will fade...
Copyright ©
metro
... [
2004-10-15 16:38:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: rythomqat and the alias of old...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on
Friday, 15th October 2004 @ 07:48:33 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow, I really liked this one! And The 7 eleven part! I miss the states so bad... But anyway back to you... That was really cool how you wrote that. I ecspecially liked these stanzas
"palms raised, upward -
begging change from passing strangers
(anything but strange)
while staring off, as if to say
they'd never seen you...
loose silver, making music in yer hands,
tobacco leaves and breakfast alike -
a 7eleven, the remants of july..."
Good Job! |
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Re: rythomqat and the alias of old...
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueyes11 on
Thursday, 16th December 2004 @ 09:48:05 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| wow, i must say i really loved this. My only criticism is for its ambiguity, although i'm wondering if that is part of the reason why i liked it so much. I especially loved your references to the panhandler, and the final stanza was powerful. good job! |
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