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Steel Blade Serenade
Contributed by
VItreous_Soul
on
Saturday, 16th October 2004 @ 02:01:59 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
A clef outstretched, across the sheet
By his own hand, it nears complete
Pounding cadence, sonant heartbeat
A song this soul would long repeat
'Pon this canvas, spirit outpoured
Discordant dirge from the first chord
Dark strain he so deeply deplored
The blackest parts left underscored
Distorted rhythm, sonic wall
Sullen tempo he must recall
Held captive in a rueful thrall
Alone to scrawl this madrigal
A pitchless tone, so sharp in tune
Searing notes of a sanguine rune
'Cross measures strewn, by metal hewn
A truth that slashes can't impugn
Sound of soundless instrumentals
Slits enhanced by accidentals
Breaks in silence, ornamental
Breaks in flesh grow incremental
Bleak composition, hopeless plea
A disharmonic melody
Listen; misery's symphony
In the key of despondency
Of hissing strings, faint sound akin
An instrument life would chagrin
A blade his bow, against the skin
Drags the visceral violin
Opus penned in Death's schematic
Reviving lines achromatic
Scrivened deep and so emphatic
Serenade for one prismatic
Copyright ©
VItreous_Soul
... [
2004-10-16 02:01:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Saturday, 16th October 2004 @ 02:16:07 AM AEST
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| A beautiful rythem a balad of pain, a song of agony, this write was so full of strength showing alot of character, cool poem. |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ronald on
Saturday, 16th October 2004 @ 03:06:41 AM AEST
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| This write is written in perfection. It's great. You sure do know your musical terms very well... Though I've studied music till Grade 8... The musical terms seem to be too elusive to me sometimes. You have a perfect analogy here with the perfect wordings and terms to use. Very very nice Glad that I got to read this! |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovesucks on
Saturday, 16th October 2004 @ 03:12:05 AM AEST
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This was AWESOME I loved it. Keep writing I really felt this one, inside and out. You have much talent...
theresa |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by shanarah on
Saturday, 16th October 2004 @ 03:38:03 AM AEST
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even with demons you can still make it sound great.. Loved it. take care,
shanarah... |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 08:47:01 AM AEST
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"A blade his bow, against the skin
Drags the visceral violin"
That's why I like reading your poetry. Its obviously driven by pain, yet pools in beautiful shapes. I couldn't extract so many allegories from one concept if I tried - I don't have the mental patience you must have employed here.
Powerful and engaging, as always . . . |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 10:43:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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What on earth is wrong with all of us! WHY haven't we been here... why aren't there more comments here?!??!! I'm at a loss to explain my own delay in arriving and I swear... I wish I could drag every member to this page right now.
Dan - this... is extraordinary. This is so rich and so full and so... you. I love the way you embed yourself in a write - not laying yourself lazily over the top, but dropping in just enough here and there that's it's both easy and hard to get a sense of the writer at the same time. Utterly amazing.
You never cease to impress me -
SNM |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by eyesxcriedxout1989 on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 01:23:01 PM AEST
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Perfect...I can't think of a better word...wow
Mason |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Wednesday, 16th February 2005 @ 07:11:45 PM AEST
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It has been a long time my friend....too long indeed since i commented on your masterworks and for that i am sorry, so deeply sorry i am back now and slowly getting back into the swing of things, though it seems one might be an a pendulum that likes to swing the opposite direction more.
My friend this is magnificent, truely capitvating a great use of metaphors and paradoxes (in slightest terms of course) to say the least, your musical knowledge is put through its paces here in a dark, nightwish like twist of pure poetic rainfall pushed across the page with your lionheart soul felt in every sentence, as always r&r is without worry but then i have never had to even think that there might be a problem because there never is :D
'Opus penned in Death's schematic
Reviving lines achromatic
Scrivened deep and so emphatic
Serenade for one prismatic'
Might just be the best line i have ever heard come from your head
Amazing my friend, truely amazing
Hung out and left to be eaten by crows
Luke |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by xSlashXPrettyXSkinx on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 12:17:34 AM AEST
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And yet again my draw is left on the floor.
I havent been to the site in awhile, I havent read any poetry or commented either. But I felt this need to read your newest works of art and I am more than impressed, once again.
This is mystical.
For my own selfishness, I really would like to talk to you. If at all possible. Its been so long and I miss my friend. I hope life has made more sense, since you found love and happiness and her. If its possible to talk to you, please contact me.
One again, this is beautiful. Melodic. Perfection!
Keep writing, you have a following. Please the masses with more amazing words.
And I will be back to read and comment.
Thanks my friend.
Linds |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by xSlashXPrettyXSkinx on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 12:18:15 AM AEST
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| OMG! I dont know where the heck my head was... I meant to say my JAW (not draw????) ...ok...sorry |
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Re: Steel Blade Serenade
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixistix on
Sunday, 28th August 2011 @ 03:23:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| it's a really good poem, but i think you should mix up some of your ryming in some of your poems:P im not saying it isnt good, but somtimes, the same ways can get boring after a while(: |
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