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Closed Eye Visuals
Contributed by
Daimos
on
Monday, 18th October 2004 @ 08:26:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Paralyzed in my shell
Clutched by hands all over
And pushed down through the eons
All by my own will
Spiralling through the void,
faster,
brighter,
louder,
screaming,
filling me up
and dying a thousand times and none
Break the walls and rip down the drapes
that once were the support-wheels of my
earthly existance
I manifest my will to evolve beyond
Copyright ©
Daimos
... [
2004-10-18 20:26:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Closed Eye Visuals
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 18th October 2004 @ 08:39:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| good write. very interesting. |
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Re: Closed Eye Visuals
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 19th October 2004 @ 03:16:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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"Break the walls and rip down the drapes
that once were the support-wheels of my
earthly existance"
I don't think drapes and wheels work very well together. They're entirely unrelated in my mind, and as such, don't convey in fluidity, what you're trying to expouse.
Of course, this may be pure imagination, written as-is - but then again, I'd expect the rest of the poem to be as abstracted.
Keep writing. |
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