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Etalia: Even Score
Contributed by
Black13
on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 12:59:50 AM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
I awoke one night
to bleeding walls
pulsing in deadly delight
still hearing Etalias calls.
Seeing her blonde hair soaked in crimson blood
chilled the night air around me.
I had frozen were I stood
lost again in those blue eyes.
Though I knew her guise well
she has always enchanted.
Mayhap it was how she hungered.....
Watching her feed again....
(Shudders)
Seeing her anger flare at Raziel
the man she once loved and trusted....
She had stalked a fool,
albeit
one who had thought her dead.
I could feel the heat comming off of her
and I knew her intent.
His face was a subtle mask
of horror and shock
a tinge of... fear.
Raziel had tried to stammer...
something...
an apology maybe.
I don't believe Etalia cared.
She was too busy trying to break the ground...
I still say it was much harder
than Raziel's body.
Etalia seemed to be enjoying herself,
though I can't say I blamed her.
After all it had been about fifty years since his betrayal.
But you know what?
I was pretty proud of Raziel...
The man didn't even begin to scream
before Etalia ripped off his arms.
Though it may have been hard to scream
with your face
being stomped into pavement....
Ah, well.
I guess she wasn't in the mood for his
begging screams
as she had just torn out his throat.
It seems unfortunate that
death may not come easy
for poor Raziel.
Ah, interesting...
Either she had mercy or her anger overcame...
Watching her rip Raziel's heart out
and begin to eat it
was kind of cool....
Ooooh, I hate this part
of these dreams...
The part where it feels like
she is looking right at me.....
.....
.....
......
......
Copyright ©
Black13
... [
2004-10-22 00:59:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 08:50:48 AM AEST
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No wonder your nightmares won't leave you alone. Quite a story. Quite a write. Certainly the turning of the fear onto the storyteller at the end is chilling.
Well done.
Stitch |
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 09:39:29 AM AEST
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Wow, I'd forgotten you said you were going to write this/these. Long time ago, huh?
Anyhow, chilling story . . . "chilling" doesn't seem like an appropriate adjective, but it's all I've got here. And I still love those names . . .
Terrifying. Can't say whether I'm glad or not that I almost never remember my dreams.
--Nora |
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 11:16:12 AM AEST
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wow, that was a vivid dream and write, I really liked it, great stuff, I can never remember my dreams in that sort of detail,
pixie xx |
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 01:11:44 PM AEST
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My dreams are always full of blood, but gald im not alone in the night,are department, though dont mean in a bad way.
Very vivid and clear write, showing great depth and horror, graphic pictures painted, very chilling, but an awesome style and written well. |
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 01:55:24 PM AEST
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Oh, and how could I forget?
Saith the grammar police:
*Etalia's
*blond
*where
*coming
*rolls eyes* Bad Jeff.
But I seriously love this, anyhow. lol. Though I'm remembering what you said about what mindset you had to be in to write about her . . . meh.
--Nora |
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Sunday, 24th October 2004 @ 10:39:15 PM AEST
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this was chilling and yet oddly funny at the
same time. This poem was truly awesome
and I was drawn right into it. A truly
remarkable poem by a remarkable person (if
that comes across as rather gay I'm sorry lol).
Bloody awesome though I must shut up and go read again.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 07:09:59 AM AEST
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Omg...
I'm so glad I don't have nightmares like that, and I'm so sorry that you do.
Did it help to write about it?
I hope you get peace soon.
*hugs to you*
Phil xxx |
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by SocialMisfit on
Monday, 1st November 2004 @ 01:23:13 AM AEST
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wow kinda creepy but cool, kinda makes ya wonder tho what exactly goes on insider ur head at night lol anyhow good job.
SM
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Re: Etalia: Even Score
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 16th November 2004 @ 04:27:08 AM AEST
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yeouch. That hurt.
Vivid piece! I like the simple style it's portrayed to the reader. And chilling enough, it definitely is.
Well done (but nightmares, not nice).
Andrew |
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