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Leaves of shattered glass
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 12:25:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
The woods seem empty...
Yet the leaves almost rustle whispered words,
As they fall gently upon breezy wind wings,
To the grassy floor, to crumble into dust,
Shattering the silence, as if someone were breaking glass.
And the woods no longer seem empty,
No longer seem silent,
As the shards of my heart (My broken glass)
Fall into the broken leaves,
Fall into the broken grass.
And I am empty...
Hands and knees now bruised and torn
Crawling through the dark, through the glass down on the floor,
And I cannot see the stars that used to light my way,
Their bright beacons, no longer visible to my eyes,
For I cannot see the sky...
And I thought that here I would feel alive,
Yet this is a lonely desolate place,
And the woods, while still alive,
Leave nothing but broken remains behind,
Like, My broken glass, my broken ties, Foolish lies,
...But...these broken remains, while broken, will grow again.
And I wonder...how do the trees feel alive?
When they lose a little of themselves each day,and each night,
Their leaves slowly crumble to dust.
...But, all is not lost, and the leaves will once again thrive,
And I hope, against all hope, that with everything it is this way,
And maybe we can all grow again one day.
(And I may be empty no more...)
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2004-10-25 12:25:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Clementine on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 12:30:42 PM AEST
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| I think it makes complete sense. I loved reading it, understanding it, feeling it, and I'm in awe by your descriptive and unbelieveably imaginative words...Beautiful, beautiful writing. |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wicked on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 01:44:44 PM AEST
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understand this more than you know. lovely write.
Wicked |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Saz on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 02:23:45 PM AEST
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| You say it makes no sense - but it does! And even if it didn't - it's still great writing!! You're very talented - love your style!! Woo - keep up the astounding work!! |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Starlilly on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 02:34:29 PM AEST
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| O wow this made perfect sense to me ~ This is awesome awesome work hun! |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 03:02:52 PM AEST
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It made perfect sense to me... and yes... I hink we all undrstand it more than you know...
awesome write... keep up the good work!
~Donna~ |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 03:29:01 PM AEST
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Before the vessel is filled, it must be emptied.
"So the proverb goes"
Evocative, yet naturally contradictory. The second stanza was a little difficult, but you managed the message well enough for me. I thought that 'life' (in 'lonely desolate life') was a bit strong. Perhaps maybe 'place' or something . . ? I don't know.
Anyway - I liked it.
keep writing. |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 03:56:41 PM AEST
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Phil, this is not a mess. It's quite good... maybe one of your best. I'm very impressed.
There's such a feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and isolation...and also the concept that you are who you are no matter where you are. That's been a tough one for me to get my head around, but it's obvious that you have and you have expressed it well. This is a deep write. I can tell you reached way inside and struggled with it. Maybe that's why you're not happy with it. That isn't easy to do. I love the sense of hope that is repeated throughout and especially at the end. This is an excellent and fascinating write.
Stitch
(who is sure about this) |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 03:57:06 PM AEST
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| The way you threaded this together was brilliant. Excellent write. |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 05:34:52 PM AEST
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Phil, Unless I'm missing something, I think this is VERY well done. I agree with stitch in that those poems that are most difficult to write can often be some of the best, yet not always seen as such by the writer.
This is one of them....you did good!!!!! :) |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th October 2004 @ 07:22:45 PM AEST
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Trees regenerate life seasonally. Hopefully we humans regenerate hope and love daily, even through struggle. This is excellent, sweetpea.
Rita |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Wednesday, 27th October 2004 @ 12:37:41 PM AEST
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| wonderful imagery and great flow * |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 10:18:41 AM AEST
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My dearest Phil, the words you've painted in this poem are exceptionally profound. You have great wisdom for one so young, but you actually understand what you feel, its an awesome attribute. This poem is wonderful as all of your writes are! The tree remains strong~through those long cold winters because the very root retains the strength to get it through. As in humans, it is the root of our being, that carries us into the sunny warm days! Excellent write, MY FRIEND!
Angel always, Joni |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 16th November 2004 @ 03:58:39 AM AEST
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This is brilliant, and beautiful. It leaves alot for one to comtemplate. I especially liked:
"And I wonder...how do the trees feel alive?
When they lose a little of themselves each day,and each night,
Their leaves slowly crumble to dust."
that just seems so perfect, and it's something that hasn't even crossed my mind before. Written to perfection once more :o)
Take Care
- Becca |
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Re: Leaves of shattered glass
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 16th March 2005 @ 11:08:45 PM AEST
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| maybe. powerful poem, phil. this was an honor to read. if you keep writing this well, i might hold impossible standards for your poetry =] |
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