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the other side of july
Contributed by
i_have_no_name
on
Wednesday, 3rd November 2004 @ 09:00:40 AM in AEST
Topic:
insomniac
|
it came to me
in a dream last night
i was standing on the stairs
completely exposed and
you were smiling down at me
you said it made you
like me more it
made you want me more it
made you love me more
then i awoke with the
sun in my face like
so many peices of glass
and there was blood in
my eyes and the sheets were
tangled and suddenly
i knew
i had reached
the other side of July
i missed you months ago
when i was happy
and the air was cold
and everything was perfect
in the imperfect sorta way
and id see you on the streets
corners and in cataloges
and i always wondered how
you managed to be happy
despite what i did to you
and how is it that i ended up
in the emergency room and you
you walked away free?
It still kills me
to think of little boys on bicycles
riding across the sky
like they have nothing to loose
it still kills me to remember
the clock hit 11.11
And i wished not to miss you
but of course my wish did not
come true
five seconds after i pushed you
to the ground i
was begging you to love me
again
its not like
we get a million
second chances
but none of the matters
anymore
i saw this guy walk by
in a bright orange tee shirt
and i thought it read
everything she said was beautiful
and i knew for one perfect
moment of clarity
that all i ever wanted was
to be your muse and your whore
all i ever wanted was for you
to worship me and destroy me
and tie me down
but dont leave me here
im waking up on
the smudged horizon im
waiting for another tragedy
im trying to understand
why the very things that destroy me
also thrill me completely
my poetry is weak and flailing
im trying to carve our history into
my bones
im trying to explain that
you cant leave me hear and i
cant leave you either
and basically we are stuck together
even if we never see each other again
because morning is morning and
midnight is pure and my
memoriesare painful
and you were all i ever wanted
then.
What does it mean
to move on
to be free?
What does it mean to forget you?
I write all these letter and i
burn them in pretty flames
and i imagine that means
im beyond yoi imagaine that means Ive forgotten you
but if i had i would not have known
who to address the letters to
im a failure in every sense
of the word
buts that only because
i survived you
and the water is perfect now the
water is clear and im wishing
for a moment that it was
still stained with you
you had the power to bring me
to my knees or into your dreams
and i dont think
i could ever forget
the way it felt to be known by you
but in the meantime
the in between time
what am i supposed to do?
Its the other side of July
and the angels have died
and the phone is off the hook
im waiting for the sound
of footsteps the never come
im dreaming of a reality that
never arrives on
my door step
but you know i dont even want that
anymore
all i want is to know the
password the code the potion
the equation that perfect little
line of numbers that will tell me
efficently how to indulgde in
you safely because i think
weve established that i cannot
erase you let alone destroy you
god sometimes i hate you bhit
at the same time i miss you
weve been over this before
the animal kingdom hovers near
as i attempt to explain what
this means to me
and it breaks my heart to know
that she will never get what she
wanted and all that blood was
shed in vain
it rips me apart to knw
that our slippery dimensions
of yesterday is
just out of reach
teach me how to live with this
becuase im finding myself on
the other side of July
more frequently these days
im feeling like persephone and im
feeling like eve and im
beginning to belive that im not
predispositioned to need you
its just that Ive been convinced
that you are equal to oxygen
July is only 31 days
a year and that leaves a lot of
time left to be lived
theres no way im going
under
becuase of this
all i want to is can
we take this slow and could
i find a way to come inside
because i still think
youre smart and i still
think you know what i know
and if preception is reality
and all that jazz
then could we make it to
that sunset place where
conversation flows and music plays
inexplicably in the background?
It came to me in a dream
fierce and pure and sharp
and youy were there with that
little smirk of yours
and everything was perfect
but i was fast asleep of course
and now i only know that things
are better when theyre real
and i think im ready to embrace
i think im finally ready to face
i think its time to recreate
the other side of july.
Copyright ©
i_have_no_name
... [
2004-11-03 09:00:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the other side of july
(User Rating: 1 )
by Broken_Skin on
Monday, 22nd November 2004 @ 09:11:02 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I took the time to read this, considering no other lazy mother****er would.
(I hate lazy mofos, whys it so hard to read and comment!?) lol.
But anyways, as I read through this, I got a really good sense of how you were feeling.
I feel, you expressed yourself very, very well.
Once I started reading, i couldnt stop. I understood almost everything (I think) you said. But I cant quite grasped the other side of july, It feels as though you're keeping a vital piece of the story away from us lol, unless its a term used for something imparticular that Im not aware of.
Let me know xx xx xx |
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