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Suicidal Dream
Contributed by
punk_casualties
on
Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 02:29:52 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
The edge of your knife,
Rips into my skin,
Eyes full of sorrow,
The pain is within.
My eyes fill with tears,
As I whisper goodbye,
I dig the knife deeper,
As my heart starts to cry.
I pick up some pills,
And swallow a few,
No more than thirty;
No less than two.
My sight becomes blurry,
As I fall to the floor,
Bleeding and dead;
My head hits the door.
You pick up the note,
And im stripped of my pride,
This court is ajourned;
My suicide.
Copyright ©
punk_casualties
... [
2004-11-05 14:29:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Suicidal Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by EVERxSOxSWEET on
Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 03:06:56 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
That was an amazing poem..Really..It had me hooked from the first line..Seems like something i would write [ that is, if i had actual talent ]
So keep it up |
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Re: Suicidal Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 04:29:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Full of passion. Although painfully sad and hopeless, the poem itself was quite amazing. The rhythym gave it a nice flow.
~Carrie~ |
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Re: Suicidal Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by gt on
Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 06:08:18 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| it could be just because I'm tired, but that was really moving. I like poems that stick to rhythm and rhyme, and both really work here. I like the jump from the scene at the end, it gives a sort of distant feel, as if you suddenly understand it all. Films do it sometimes. |
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Re: Suicidal Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by EmoDCgirl36 on
Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 06:42:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| You caught the emotion. Good job. |
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Re: Suicidal Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 6th November 2004 @ 07:05:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
wow, powerful suicide write,
takecare,
pixie xx |
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Re: Suicidal Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by DamentedSuicide on
Monday, 8th November 2004 @ 07:53:25 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow wonderful write
touching dark and upsetting
all at the same time
~~~Raven~~~ |
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