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untitled
Contributed by
TaintedOptomist
on
Tuesday, 9th November 2004 @ 04:10:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
alas oh fallen angel
sweet sweet angel
you fell like the rest of us
poor bloody dove
you had no wings
how were you to know
alas oh fallen angel
sweet fallen angel
you'll fly free soon
you fell like castle walls
every kingdom crumbles
the rubble's all we have for the trouble
you're looking up missing home
breaking up breaking up
you fell like the rest of us
but there's a long way down
Copyright ©
TaintedOptomist
... [
2004-11-09 16:10:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Tuesday, 9th November 2004 @ 07:00:28 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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If this is losing your drive---I can only pray the same thing happens to me. I really, REALLY liked this poem alot. It had a lyrical feel to it and you wrapped up the ending with an enormous surge I thought.
Title ideas---
"Wingless Angel"
"Fallen"
Your poem is good and it is something to be proud of. I think you still have your drive.
Kie |
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by TaintedOptomist on
Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 04:51:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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i screwed up a line here it is correctly
alas oh fallen angel
sweet sweet angel
you fell like the rest of us
poor bloody dove
you had no wings
how were you to know
alas oh fallen angel
sweet fallen angel
you'll fly free soon
you fell like castle walls
every kingdom crumbles
the rubble's all we have for the trouble
you're looking up missing home
breaking up breaking out
you fell like the rest of us
but there's a long way down
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on
Tuesday, 17th January 2006 @ 05:53:07 PM AEST
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a Message)
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i love that first stanza, it just grabs you and pulls you in. that's hard to do. the quality continues through the rest of the poem, which, again, is hard to do.
I loved this! |
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