|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
i, corrupt
Contributed by
summers
on
Sunday, 14th November 2004 @ 01:40:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
we were drinking
and making out
and one thing led to another
i found myself the next morning
in your bed
covered in sweat
cold, red sweat
the smell of iron
and carbon
the industrial scent of-
your body
motionless
strewn across the floor like postponed integrity
so that's the odor.
that's the burning in my nostrils.
i don't remember much about that night
but pieces come back to me occasionally
photographs
and then...
movies in black and white
repeating
i see slideshows of her purity
corrupted
i tainted the film
so i did the only thing any decent person would do:
cut the cord and start from scratch.
Copyright ©
summers
... [
2004-11-14 01:40:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: i, corrupt
(User Rating: 1 )
by eyesxcriedxout1989 on
Sunday, 14th November 2004 @ 02:24:49 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I really liked this, though I (and maybe my ignorance is showing) but I don't get the end...no clue what you meant by cut the cord...I really liked this piece, just please tell me what you meant
Mason |
|
|
Re: i, corrupt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Sunday, 14th November 2004 @ 03:01:51 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| wow, i love it |
|
|
Re: i, corrupt
(User Rating: 1 )
by summers on
Sunday, 14th November 2004 @ 01:06:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
by the end, i referred to destroying your creation and basically restarting..
as in...working with clay...if you screw up, you just clump it back together and try to make something new. "starting from scratch" refers to moving on to the next person.
i brought out the worst in something with my touch, so feeling it was my responsibility, i ended it.
so "cut the cord and start from scratch" literally means to "cut the [vocal] chord" and start over with someone new...hoping to like the creation this time.
i'm rambling. |
|
|
Re: i, corrupt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 04:57:31 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A relationship is a creation. I'm not sure if you created this person. You created the scenario, which is grand, but your ramble on with vocal chords/cords doesn't cut it. Excuse the pun. I would have preferred if you'd used some correlative editing technique, with perhaps a reference to 'the cutting room floor' or something that ties in the cinematique ethos you engender towards the end, which, If I may be so bold, was lovely.
Keep writing, summer - I like it when you do. |
|
|
Re: i, corrupt
(User Rating: 1 )
by summers on
Tuesday, 16th November 2004 @ 09:33:59 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
haha, yeah, the vocal chords thing was a shallow attempt at gorey humor...but "cut the cord" literally means to "trash your creation"...rather cliche, but it played a double meaning...
its literally tying it all together saying "i've destroyed this, i must start anew"
|
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
