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Notes From an Upstairs Window
Contributed by
neveryours
on
Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 09:53:16 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Now I understand those sounds
As air hovers, silent and sad
Pavement rich with the echo of
Bygone soles(souls)
That slip away.
Yet for an infinite moment
In stillness that captures and embraces-
Elusive in the passing time,
In that moment, where all stands immobile
Where the worlds breath is held ----
I hear the steady tapping of your heart
Like souls(soles)who pass below
Pass below, and then move on.
Fall like echoes through my fingertips
Too late to grasp, but in that moment
I hear, and am filled by the presence
As your soul(sole)embraced my time
Then slipped away.
Copyright ©
neveryours
... [
2004-11-17 09:53:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Notes From an Upstairs Window
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 10:08:27 AM AEST
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awww that was very sad and written beautifully.
pixie xx |
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Re: Notes From an Upstairs Window
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 10:35:26 AM AEST
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Plainly stated I am simply in awe. The uniqueness in the way you write, the way you express your thoughts to poetry has overwhelmingly impressed me.
Excellent poem by the way. Very unique as well.
Kie |
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Re: Notes From an Upstairs Window
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 03:00:30 PM AEST
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I am not sure that I like the visual of sole. Otherwise
Yet for an infinite moment
In stillness that captures and embraces-
Elusive in the passing time,
In that moment, where all stands immobile
Where the world’s breath is held ----
I liked this part, and think you have a nice way with words. |
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Re: Notes From an Upstairs Window
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 10:06:47 AM AEST
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I'm intrigued by the way you match up soles and souls which 'pass below'. Its a useful pairing, but as mj indicates, its not the strongest allegory. However - your second stanza, in my opinion was quite exemplary of stasis, and that remains something which I shall refer to in future.
'Tapping of your heart'? I associate tapping with windowpanes, and the onomatopoetic doesn't quite work for me on paving slabs - although such resonance may well differ outside your upstairs window . . .
Just some thoughts . . .
Keep writing. |
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