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Emptiness
Contributed by
Kitty_cat
on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 06:51:07 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
My life is pointless
Its purpose is gone
I don't feel anything
Now that your gone
I try and find out how I feel
But find nothing at all
I feel so empty
I feel so small
My face carries the same express
Everywhere I go
My body moves at the same speed
Lazy and slow
I look at everything around me
Emptiness
I look at my life
Nothing to assess
My day involves eating
Sleeping, eating
Looking, sleeping
And hope my heart will stop beating
My life revolves
Around a computer screen
Tired eyes, hunched back
High on caffeine
Which brings to me to now
Aching muscles, tired mind
Restricted in a realm of nothing
In emptiness I'm confined
Copyright ©
Kitty_cat
... [
2004-11-19 18:51:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Emptiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by SWCSuzyQ on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 07:16:53 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| the message of emptiness in definately seen. good work. I hope you actually are not feeling this and if you areremember-You are the most precious thing on earth. |
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Re: Emptiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by a_bear on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 07:37:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| ovrall it's a good write and I could feel the empty feeling. The only thing I would recommend for improvment is that in the 1st stanza, you rhyme gone with gone..and I guess you can do that..but what's the purpose or challenge in using the same word as a rhyme?.. good overall though. |
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Re: Emptiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 09:25:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| been there, still here.... fantastic write. |
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Re: Emptiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 02:27:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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A very good write, thnks for posting.
Hugs,
Jane |
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Re: Emptiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 08:32:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
powerfully written, very sad and moving,
pixie xx |
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