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The world is wrong
Contributed by
gillmor_t
on
Monday, 22nd November 2004 @ 08:35:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
war
|
The world is wrong
People are strong
God is a gun
Terrorists are bullets
Taking souls
Dreaming fates
Stop the mayhem
Or be controlled
Have Fate
or lose fate
death is easy
death is train
come's and leaves with a soul
gotta have fate
or it cant be cured
it cant be saved
lets cheer up
lets create up
lets be a team
or be wasted
Copyright ©
gillmor_t
... [
2004-11-22 20:35:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The world is wrong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mesano on
Monday, 22nd November 2004 @ 08:38:01 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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nice job... i liked it, but it could use more of a "flow"... i happen to like rhyming patterns but thats just me... a good poem to me is made up of true thoughts of the reader, if its whats in your heart/mind, thats good enough for me
-Mexy |
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Re: The world is wrong
(User Rating: 1 )
by N0body on
Monday, 22nd November 2004 @ 09:18:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Yeah, i agree, flow would help your poem...the message was good though... |
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Re: The world is wrong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 22nd November 2004 @ 10:02:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| good work. |
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