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Burning Sweetly
Contributed by
Shadow
on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:13:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Burning sweetly
Soundly sleeping.
Eyes hidden
Slowly peeping.
Hail the shadows eyes of doom
Coming froth to fill your tomb.
Simple eyes and turning hand
Dragging you to the burning land!
Simple fire of desire
In your soul. Is not? Liar!
Hold on tight child of night
Do your fear your own sins bite?
Say your prayers on last time
When they end you will be mine.
As your tremble book in hand
The shadows come from the burning land
Burning sweetly
Soundly sleeping.
Eyes hidden
Slowly peeping
Copyright ©
Shadow
... [
2004-11-24 08:13:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Burning Sweetly
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:25:33 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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awesome dark write,
pixie xx |
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Re: Burning Sweetly
(User Rating: 1 )
by OnAngelswings on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 09:10:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| good write...thank God I am saved.....lol....Shari |
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Re: Burning Sweetly
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 03:19:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Its ok. The rhyme scheme isn't bad, but your spelling needs work. Perhaps you could have made the concept a bit more complex, by characterising the 'child of night', and which sins were made and why . . . but that's up to you.
Keep writing. |
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Re: Burning Sweetly
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 09:07:30 PM AEST
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| i agree with neps. excellent write with much potential. |
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