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Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
Contributed by
girltranscended
on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 05:51:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I am a lake of my unease,
dark and deep.
I am the shadow of the tree.
Behind me, is a life barely lived,
a winding path overgrown.
Before me, the world is breeding possibility.
I am what I am, for now, for me,
lost and sweet.
I am untangling from this web (of defeat).
Above me, the sky has no end,
infinite universe unknown.
Underneath me, cool water rages on.
I am just reaching the surface,
still blue and meek.
grasping at all I do not see.
Within me, the battery was running low,
an innocent on her own.
Without me, well I am nothing without me.
I am left, unforgettably,
somber yet free.
I am right where I need to be.
Copyright ©
girltranscended
... [
2004-11-24 17:51:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 06:00:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| brilliant piece. i loved every line of this. perfection at its finest. philosophical beauty. for a title, i dont think i can produce one so fine as to fit this piece. |
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by n2dep2care on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:03:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Gorgeous poem! I enjoyed this very much, nice flow. Well done!
I would suggest as a title ‘lake of my unease’.
Laurie |
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Niccy on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:41:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hey that was a really good poem! |
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnastasiaN on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:58:20 PM AEST
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| I loved this poem...awesome use of imagery and it said something for me as well thanks for sharing. xo Anastasia |
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 09:13:07 PM AEST
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It was a very gfood read.
I liked it.
Suggested Title:
Right Where I need to Be
--Mothy
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th January 2005 @ 06:58:32 AM AEST
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So Much not done, yet so much potential...sigh...nice
The title eludes me, I feel like something about water, stillness and potential. Perhaps taking from one of your lines...Cool Water Rage. |
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Friday, 4th February 2005 @ 03:00:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i would keep the title as is, it drew me in for one and adds to your soliloqy here:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Hey, anybody got a title for this thing?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhymingron on
Sunday, 6th March 2005 @ 07:40:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| What a beautiful poem, well written a nd a pleasure to read. I don't see many this good. |
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