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Til It's Gone
Contributed by
LittleMANof04
on
Friday, 3rd December 2004 @ 02:18:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
She cant believe the words
Spilling from his mouth.
Telling her its over
That this candle has been replaced
By a new flame.
Shortly this new flame
Has died, and he turns
To find a desire to relight the old.
But shes moved it
To a dark corner
Perhaps to be visited later.
He didnt know
What he had
Til it was gone
He didnt realize
Exactly how much
Hed miss the way
She laughed
She cried
Talked
Felt
Cried
And he did.
Copyright ©
LittleMANof04
... [
2004-12-03 02:18:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Til It's Gone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Angelochek on
Friday, 3rd December 2004 @ 02:25:19 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
um... what you were trying to say is good and it makes sense exsept i would incourage you to work a little more on the smooth flowing from one sentence to the next. everything else is great.
hope to see more of your poems,
Angelochek |
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Re: Til It's Gone
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilcherry312 on
Friday, 3rd December 2004 @ 11:12:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| well i think its super awsome. :) |
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Re: Til It's Gone
(User Rating: 1 )
by MMISS on
Friday, 3rd December 2004 @ 12:50:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| love the story. great work |
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Re: Til It's Gone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Monday, 10th January 2005 @ 09:01:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
You've covered the topic of revolving hearts so well. I like the brevity and the straightforwardness of this, but the "dark corner" is my favorite line.
Stitch |
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