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Irony
Contributed by
bonita2689
on
Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 04:09:52 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
strike me numb
inhaling your deadly essence
you flash a devious smile
and I am left in your presence
it looms like a suffocating mist
stealing each breath
how gracefully you kill me
a frosty path you tread; so misleading
but you become my addiction
oh how I adore my killer
how he weaves these hues so dark
through my soul, singeing my heart
alas our trifle affair must end
an as he leaves my life suspends
how beautifully abstract, my killer, my death
Copyright ©
bonita2689
... [
2004-12-06 16:09:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Irony
(User Rating: 1 )
by EverlastingDawn on
Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 05:07:01 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I like, it's written really well. The emotions are portrayed nicely. It would be better with a few changes. You should choose either having all punctuation, or no punctuation. Also I would be nice if you used capitalization. But, that's just my opinion. Overall I really like it. |
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Re: Irony
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 06:25:10 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is interesting, different, but i like it. You're last line not only holds true to what you're speaking of, but to your poem as a whole as well. Good write. :) |
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