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Stitches
Contributed by
Rxqueen
on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 07:40:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Stitches seeping ,
weeping,
oozing,
and you find this so amusing
"It hurts" I scream
as nothing comes out
trapped in a dream
siliently I shout
my heart is pussing
infected by your dirty smile
the stench is dripping
into my denial
and as my heart is dieing
my soul, my eyes,
crying
I try to sew more stitches in,
my heart can't die like this
I want another chance to begin
or maybe just... one last kiss?
Copyright ©
Rxqueen
... [
2004-12-11 19:40:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 07:43:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Ok, I really liked this one.
The pain inside of it. (Real or not)
Was just absolute.
For some reasons these lines...
'my heart is pussing
infected by your dirty smile
the stench is dripping
into my denial'
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 08:11:38 PM AEST
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Very sad but well written.
a masterpice of the pain that many feel on a dailey basis.
keep writing.
Hang tuff.
luv, huggs, faith, hope,
emy |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by autumngreeneyes on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 08:21:08 PM AEST
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Stitches seeping ,
weeping,
oozing,
and you find this so amusing
I loved this rhyme scheme.. this was really great. I'm not keen on the pain you feel..sorry for that, but the writing is top notch. heh..like I'm a judge..:-/ |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black_Rose on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 08:48:44 PM AEST
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This poem is amazing. I wish that I'd written it; it almost feels like I have, though, as I can uncannily relate to it. ::mutters...stupid brian...:: Keep it up, and I know how you feel!
~Kristi |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 09:00:45 PM AEST
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| powerful write. written well. |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Sunday, 12th December 2004 @ 02:56:21 AM AEST
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A very sad write, the first couple on lines stands out from the rest.
Jane x |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Sunday, 12th December 2004 @ 03:03:04 AM AEST
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Sweet one~
Great write, very strong and emotional. Could feel your pain. Keep it up! |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 12th December 2004 @ 05:16:10 AM AEST
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brilliantly written, that was so raw and deep i felt your pain, excellently penned
pixie xx |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Thursday, 16th December 2004 @ 01:13:13 AM AEST
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I loved the rhythm of this poem especially in
the first stanza it really draws the reader into
the poem. Overall the poem was great and
written with such strength despite your pain. I
loved this and it is never to late to start anew.
Keep up the writing dear!!!!
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 07:08:53 AM AEST
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Very well written, Rx.
I think you could change these lines
"the stench is dripping
into my denial"
into
"the ochre is dripping
into my denial"
since stench doesn't really 'drip', as its a smell, and more likely to 'waft' or some other such adverb.
Keep writing.
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by the_Ghost_Moth on
Monday, 20th December 2004 @ 07:22:03 PM AEST
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Cool.
Don't listen to Nepty,
he drinks.
--Ghosty |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by eyesxcriedxout1989 on
Tuesday, 21st December 2004 @ 03:08:56 PM AEST
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Wow, this is amazing...very sad, and very very well written. I loved the first stanza
Mason |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Tuesday, 21st December 2004 @ 04:12:20 PM AEST
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| wow.. beautiful... |
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Re: Stitches
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 29th December 2004 @ 06:02:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this one get's you right there *looks for heart* oh right, well, if I had one it would get me right there. |
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