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Mixed Thoughts What in the H E Doubble Hockey Sticks am I afraid of?
Contributed by
Chad
on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 09:14:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
psychoticpoems
|
In this cage I shall sit and wait
What for?
An open gate
Let me out I scream in side
It all stirs and stirs, feelings so intense
Feelings so strong I could never confide
To anyone or even myself
Flip
I hate to think it, this game is sick
Self-analyzing me, like I ain''t **
Why would I look down on my self so much?
Ive been through so many things
Ive accomplished so all by my own wit
Ive been there for so many people
Ive done so much good
Is this pain a haunting of things I've done of lesser good?
Is this frustration of ones-self some deep seeded sin
I forgot about and now is flourishing inside me
Forever to eat at me bit by bit while I sit back to
Watch myself self-destruct
It seams like I fight myself more than any other
Thing in this world.
Why can''t I forget about this fight? Call it a truce
Just walk away and forget the abuse
Ive caused myself
Every day this haunts some part of my life
So my only conclusion is that I must like to
Play the mind games with me more than
Anything else
Some times it feels like a Bad Dream
One that has come to life over time
Slowly creeping in my life while the rest
Of me seems to want to fight it
I dont know how much I truly fight it
Mabey I just truly hate it
It''s kind of like when you awe at something
You forget about time and you go off in your
Own little world, so that kind of thing is hard to fight
I feel blindfolded to this power that has taken me
Like I am the littlest ant on the earth trying to move
The biggest mountain
And some how that ant still thinks it can
Still trys because the ant knows
Its all in the mind, and the mind is the most powerful
Thing in the world because it created the world for
Its self to perceive
And all this happens in this little cage behind my eyes
As much time as it takes to try to describe this feeling
I could have done more constructive things
This seems like an endless pointless struggle
Just when I get to a point of explaining my feelings and
Am ready to move on, my imagination comes up with
This wonderful idea about how there is more to the
Story and I need to figure out more about the feeling
Before I can let it go and feel at one with my self.
Its been going on so long that I some times feel like
Its all a game I play with myself, or why wouldnt I
Have come to a reasonable conclusion to this feeling
Imagination against Imagination
ummmmm
When I get this far in to my explanation of this situation
I start to get scared. I seem to find an answer
That sums up the game. Like that conclusion you just
Herd.
Imagination against Imagination.
That alone could explain where this feeling could originate
Then I see something like
The line I just wrote
Imagination against Imagination
Meaning that 2 imaginations could never out do
One or the other. Which is why this could go
On forever. Thats how it feels some times
But what strikes me is the two Imaginations.
Arent we just supposed to have one imagination?
When one imagination creates another to play with
Is that more like an imaginary friend or a split
Personality at its earliest stages
Even worse thought hits me is that it''s possible
That it could be an advanced personality
So advanced that they meet with each other
That isn''t what scares me though. Its more like
Its all just speculation, and Im fine with the speculation
Of an idea. But why so much speculation
I know I worry about it too much
I wish I could stop worrying about it
Flip
Stuck and waiting in my cage
Do I have the key?
Or does it lye with in my rage
Am I kidding my self?
I know built this box, and there must be a key.
Or did I forget to make one
Flip
Now why would I go and create that thought
It just makes a new beginning of another string
Of thoughts that I dont really think is worth
My time to think about. Sounds crazy.
Am I missing something here?
Why is the word crazy so damn scary?
To be crazy.....
What good could be said about being crazy?
I''m sure there is something
What is so bad about being crazy?
Crazy states that something is wrong with you
And that you need help for some reason
Are you crazy if you know that no one can help you?
And that you started all this craziness and that you
And only you!
Have to end this craziness?
That sounds pretty crazy to me.
Flip
Testing the limits
Of myself I admits
Going insane inside this brain
Pushing my limits
Running in circles forever it seems
Will I get tired of it?
Tired enough to quit
How far can they go?
The limits I ''m say''n
I feel I''m in so much pain
Reaching out a gain and a gain
But I''m blind to the fact
Nothing is there though
Is this a game I play?
How ****-up can I be?
Its there every day
In this cage I play
I know I have the key
But I won''t hand it over
Cause then I''d see
The game is over
This is my Definition of scaring your self.
Breath in.. Hold... Hold... And slowly.. Slowly breath out.
Please tell me where I lost you if you were able to follow any.
Copyright ©
Chad
... [
2004-12-11 21:14:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Mixed Thoughts What in the H E Doubble Hockey Sticks am I afraid of?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stonedraider23 on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 09:36:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| wow like u said that was long and ur crazy lol in a good way we all have them damn imagainations i know i got more then 2 but yea this isnt about me great long write |
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Re: Mixed Thoughts What in the H E Doubble Hockey Sticks am I afraid of?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 11th December 2004 @ 10:17:58 PM AEST
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| very long but very good and interesting. |
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Re: Mixed Thoughts What in the H E Doubble Hockey Sticks am I afraid of?
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Sunday, 12th December 2004 @ 09:56:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Awesome write. I know how it feels. Sometimes I wish I could quiet all these thoughts in my head. Medication helps me a lot. Are we crazy if we think we are? See I think folks are crazy who don't have a clue. Those who would think no craziness exists in their world. Someone told me once(I'm bipolar) think of it as a gift, few people are lucky enough to think about things the way we do. Good advice. I usually have to remind myself often though that it is a gift. Keep writing. Much peace. |
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