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curse
Contributed by
surge_joebot
on
Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 02:12:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
This life, my life, this lifeless shell of an existence.
Pity me for always being so sad, pity me.
I hide in this music, waiting for something better.
You can go ***** your self help ways.
There's no turning back, no saving this one.
So you think you can save me?
You think you have all the answers huh?
Are you god now? Am I supposed to pray and beg to you?
Well... you know what... ***** you.
My life, my curse, this ***** is man made, made by people like you.
Wonder why I'm so angry, look at these labels, so marked on my face.
Loser.
Freak.
Goth.
This is what you call me, I call you ***** ass.
I say I don't need your crap, I'm sick of being there for others.
Did I say all I needed to be said?
Did I do all the things I needed to hurt you?
And did I reap all that I so...
What ever that means.
Well I came...
I said...
Now I leave you here.
To bake...
In your guilt.
For ruining my life.
You *****.
Copyright ©
surge_joebot
... [
2004-12-19 14:12:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: curse
(User Rating: 1 )
by LiquidChaos on
Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 03:20:42 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
To me this seems like more of a rant, but if it's poetry to you, then that's good. Yes, when we're angry many of us swear but poetry should be about painting a picture...not throwing profanities in our faces. I like the general idea you have but next time try to elaborate and be more....descriptive. It seems like you just scratch the surface of your anger with lines like this:
Well... you know what... ***** you.
My life, my curse, this ***** is man made, made by people like you.
What is your curse? What is manmade? All the crap you go through? Sure, I can identify with that. But why don't you describe it more? I think this needs to be developed more, but the emotion is good. Keep writing...you've got a good start. |
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