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Jardiniere vase
Contributed by
LevyMetal
on
Thursday, 23rd December 2004 @ 03:42:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
I see through you
A heavy metaphor for pain
I've travled inside you
And all i've came to find was pain
Empty the moat now
You prove yourself to put out the flames
Only a smoke in between-
Every sweat shed in blood was from indifferent pain
An optimistic drug is in your hands
Just pull the trigger-release your finger
An oceanamonic journey to face
Just drink down the pill and pick up the pace
Your imagination is only distorted film
A sandbox filled with unusual playtime realms
That one memory that still stains your head
Is that one memory you wish would just leave instead
Now that you relized its just a game
You hurdle through substitutions to stay numb through days
And any fool like you would be in trouble too
Every silence or glare will corrupt your timid mood
I see through you
A heavy metaphor for pain
I've travled inside you
And all i've came to find was pain
Empty the moat now
You prove yourself to put out the flames
Only a smoke in between-
Every sweat shed in blood was from indifferent pain
An optimistic drug is in your hands
Just pull the trigger-release your finger
A lonley journey to face
When all you care about is counting down the days
I see through you
You've always been the same
No emotion detects if you can put out the flames
Only a smoke in between every indifference
Copyright ©
LevyMetal
... [
2004-12-23 15:42:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Jardiniere vase
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Thursday, 23rd December 2004 @ 04:21:06 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| This was nice, I liked the direction in which you're going. (^_^)v |
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Re: Jardiniere vase
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 23rd December 2004 @ 04:35:58 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| excellent write. i have the answer to your question, because im the perfect example of it. but anyway, the first stanza was the second best in my mind because it just seemed like you were trying to rhyme the same word over and over, pain, beside flames, and that isnt true since this poem isnt meant to rhyme as much. your last stanza was the best in my opinion because it ties all the ideas together and is a strong ending. if you begin it strong, you must end it with power, and i think you did that quite well. keep posting. =] |
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