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My Gift From You
Contributed by
pUnKa_RaCh
on
Friday, 24th December 2004 @ 06:40:09 AM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
I dont know why I hate myself, I cant stand this body of mine
I despise myself so much
I cant even explain through this rhyme
Ive been hurting for so many years
Without a voice or a soul, but then you came along
I began to feel whole
Do you know you made me feel worthy?
Instead of worthless?
You made me feel so loved
Instead of loveless
But that look of love you gave me turned out to be phoniness
Couldnt you sense I loved your presence?
Were you so blind as to see
Of all the girls to choose from, I felt so lucky you chose me
You erased my hurt and took away the pain
You were the glimpse of hope in my life
Now only pieces of my heart remain
I thought you could be there for me
On your love I could depend, holding my hand eternally
My torn life you could mend
But before I could realize
You cast me aside, replacing me with that hoe
By your will I had to abide
Instead of ridding my demons
Youre now my secret demon instead
Your still apart of me, my eyes dry from all the tears I shed
Whyd you do this to me?
Dont you see you added to my pain
Because of you Im utterly broken
And cant see myself loving again
Every ***** cuts for you
Every slice of betrayed flesh
Do you have any clue?
That youve added to my own hate, these tears imprinted with your name
I hate myself so much more
All youve given me is ***** pain
Copyright ©
pUnKa_RaCh
... [
2004-12-24 06:40:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Gift From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by EverlastingDawn on
Friday, 24th December 2004 @ 07:49:08 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I really like this poem. It uses amazing imagery, and the emotions are portrayed nicely. Though, if you're going to use some punctuation, then you might as well use full pucntuation. Also the lines,
You made me feel so loved
Instead of loveless
Seem a little off to me. You might want to say something like,
You made me feel so loved
Instead so alone
or something like that. But those are just my thoughts. Overall I think this is a great poem. |
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Re: My Gift From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by autumngreeneyes on
Friday, 24th December 2004 @ 11:54:32 AM AEST
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| It's a great write, although I think you could use words other than profanity if you looked hard enough..that would make the same point. I rely on profanity too when I'm mad and laZy... |
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