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Black Ice
Contributed by
faith_my_eyes
on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 11:22:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
spiritual
|
smooth
dark
blinded
by night
we cannot see
we travel
the road
it winds
we turn
faster
faster
we go
and then we
slip
slide
collide
coreen
into an unforeseen
wall
and crash
and crumble
the bricks
around us
are rubble
twisted metal
crunched
smashed
broken
dead
gone
is
our life
our dreams
our utility
when we slip
on the black ice
of sin.
Copyright ©
faith_my_eyes
... [
2005-01-01 23:22:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 11:31:07 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow Em. I love this..
I already said this to you once tonight, but I could never write anything as great as this. I wish I could.
The flow and everything is just perfect.
Stunning write hunni,
*hugs*
Phil xxx
(Who is glad you didn't crash) |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by SocialMisfit on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 02:00:42 AM AEST
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very good depiction of sin and a very good poem :D God Bless.
SM |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nezenic on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 10:11:12 AM AEST
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| Very nicely written, I love the rhyme and rhythm. I am happy you're okay and you didn't hit crash into anything. |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 11:22:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Thats a powerful bit of writing.........excellent message my friend.
very well done
Roses
Larry |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 12:36:33 AM AEST
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I love how you employed the metaphor here... it works incredibly well. From title to last line - this is well done... and your point - well expressed.
Nicely done, Em!
SNM |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 16th January 2005 @ 12:04:10 AM AEST
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This has an ominous note that goes well with the subject. Not bad, not bad - but do refrain from slipping on any more icy-dark roads, what?
Andrew |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Wednesday, 19th January 2005 @ 05:01:23 PM AEST
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| Great poem. Glad your safe though! |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Clarity_Rising on
Thursday, 20th January 2005 @ 06:50:27 PM AEST
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| I like the connection between black ice and sin, both can be invisible until tresspassed. Very creative plot, and excellently written. |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Always on
Saturday, 22nd January 2005 @ 10:06:22 PM AEST
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| that was sweet, loved the setup... |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 12:45:02 AM AEST
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good metaphor for getting caught in sin and slipping...
awesome write, the words and the short lines really made it visual and active (if that makes sense)
~waos/kara |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 11:15:20 AM AEST
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| This was a really good poem. Putting aside the actual material for a few moments, just the setup of each line was pretty ingenious. It's also surprising how u came up wit this idea, like its amazing how black ice can honestly remind u of sin sometimes, based on the characteristics. Very nicely done. |
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Re: Black Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Friday, 28th January 2005 @ 01:46:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Emily, this is amazing. I love this comparison. I love how you so often relate the Bible to everyday occurrences because it shows me that you are really in tune with God's will and His hand in your life. But, the poetry was a nice treat too. I liked it. The fast-paced, catching tone that gripped me from the beginning. Wonderful. Stay close to Him. Love you, Em.
~Carrie~ |
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