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those eyes and drunken words
Contributed by
me
on
Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 03:02:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
he says "......................."
and my stupid heart flutters
and i smile
and i think i know everything
i think everything can be set right
if we both want it bad enuff
and i'm fooled
he lies
or at least one of the two of us
is delusional
and i write him
on the phone
opening up again
telling him things
he will not appreciate
altho he only would understand
if he wanted to
but he is closed up
from some kind of obligation
some kind of terror of himself
some kind of promise
intentions may be pure
but actions vile
all the same
and again i wake with eyes
swollen
putting my glasses on
as soon as i've washed the salt from my face
to keep the lines from blurring
the ghosts are here now
and they pulsate
and transform every minute
changing colours and shapes
with those same two eyes
shining thru
glaring at me
devouring me
destroying me
with the doubts they create
i face the world
grey and drowning in a downpour
crying again
because those words
revoked
could have no other meaning
the man at the cigar store
gives me a chocolate
happy new year
and i want to hug him
thankful
for human kindness
crying as i leave the store
the one i wanted
is still there
whispering words
with those eyes
shining
thru the shapes
as he lifts me high
and throws me to the ground again
i am a fool
i am honest
trample my pride underfoot
and maybe now he knows
what he wanted to know
and was afraid
or maybe
that was only one of the shapes
and now
terrified
he has folded back into himself
but i still see those eyes
and they say other things
all the words
that i've wanted to share
all those moments
and tears
still burried
bc he has no time to listen
and i think of dostoevsky
bc he would have written all this beautifuly
i've thrown my thoughts and love at him
violently
from time to time
hoping to fill in the gaps
of what he missed while i was crying
and he
reluctant
self-absorbed
absent minded
shinning in the distance
took some of what i offered
and put it in his pocket
never to emerge again
while the rest fell away to the ground
unused
unappreciated
not even recognised for what it was
embarassed
i pretend to be strong
i say rational things
and without pride
i beg for more of his nothings
as if i can take this pain
indefinately
if only his eyes
will stay with me
thru all the changes
of his shapes and colours
even if the eyes
are only laffing at me
i cant bear for them to turn away
just yet
Copyright ©
me
... [
2005-01-02 15:02:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: those eyes and drunken words
(User Rating: 1 )
by destinysseduction on
Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 03:26:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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this is a most interesting journey through a sad mind, with much imagery and word painting...it's a bit long, but very thought provoking just the same...
destinysseduction |
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