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Venomous
Contributed by
CrimsonTears
on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 10:44:38 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
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Kiss my deadly lips My venom is so very sweet I can be quite poisonous I will knock you off your feet
A cold chill runs down your spine As your body begins to shake You think that it is nothing But its your life that I will take
Youre fading in and out Sweats pouring down your face Theres nothing you can do now My venom is now set in place
Your spitting out warm crimson It taste like something youve had before Its sweet just like my deadly poison Its got you wanting more
You scream out my name And until I come u keep on trying Youre longing for my venomous kiss Because you know that you are dying
One last kiss I will grant you On your lips that are so cold But it was on MY lips that you died And that is a memory I shall hold
Copyright ©
CrimsonTears
... [
2005-01-03 22:44:38] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Venomous
(User Rating: 1 ) by meganloberg on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 11:41:55 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I like it. A lot.
I'd take a few words out, like
My venom is now set in place
-->My venom is now in place
I guess thats just the way I'd like it, maybe flows better to me
But hey...it's yours, and thats awesome |
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Re: Venomous
(User Rating: 1 ) by blacksabbath026 on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 12:36:08 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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| very well done, very good talent |
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Re: Venomous
(User Rating: 1 ) by subnet_spider on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 02:20:54 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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| Excellent write, very expressive. |
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Re: Venomous
(User Rating: 1 ) by Kitty_cat on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 08:10:24 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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| I really liked this. Class poetry. |
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